Hello all. As 2011 comes to a close, I wanted to put into writing a few goals I have as Janet for 2012. These are in no particular order.
1. Spend one full week en femme.
2. Get some actual breast forms to replace my birdseed/pantyhose forms.
3. Lose 37 more pounds to fit in my size 16 dresses.
4. Spend even more time out and about.
5. Have a meal at a sit down restuarant.
6. Go to a formal occasion that requires an evening gown.
7. Go to the movies.
8. Come out to at least one more person.
Some of these are lofty goals that might take some work to accomplish, but others should be fairly simple. Numbers 1 and 7 can both be accomplished while I am in Tulsa week after next. If I am feeling ultra confident, so can #5. The formal occasion (#6) will probably be a ball with Dallas GEAR or NT Gender groups. The breast forms (#2) will probably be sometime in the spring when I get enough money (I want good ones that will last). Numbers 3 & 4 are attainable, but I will have to work at both. Number 8 will probably be my best friend from elementary school that I have been friends with forever, but maybe not. I will have to weigh the options.
I think this will probably be my last post until after the New Year, so Happy New Year to everyone and please please please stay safe and don't drink and drive this weekend. I want to see everyone safe and sound in 2012!
Janet
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
2011 in review--the good, the bad, and the ugly :-)
After reading Stana's blog at Femulate, I figured I needed to create a blog recapping the past year in my transgendered life, since we are down to the last 4 days (counting today) of 2011. I decided to channel my inner film buff and separate the year into the good, the bad, and the ugly. As I believe in saving the best for last, I will cover these in reverse.
The Ugly: The hot Texas summer put the nix on any dressing for five months this year. Unfortunately I am a bit overweight so the heat causes me to sweat profusely. Even with waterproof makeup, I end up looking like Tammy Faye Baker after 15 minutes outside.
The Bad: When you read the next post, you will see that I have been out more this year (in the 7 months I could go out) than in any previous year. Unfortunately, more time out means more time read. Lowlights in reading were the Kroger in Allen after my trip to the casino when the older lady stared at me for an eternity, and my shopping trip when my voice wasn't working and I was read on two separate occasions-once by the teen in WalMart and once by the cashier at Goodwill (I think she read me--voice fail). Also, I have had terrible confidence issues this year. My "Just Do It" (thank you Nike) attitude was on several occasions "Are you really sure you want to do it?"
The Good: There have been tons of good things that have happened to me this year. As I mentioned above, I have been out as Janet more this year than any previous year. I had several firsts this year. Included in these are my first time going to a casino, first time going grocery shopping, and first time checking out at a store with a live cashier. Instead of quick trips inside of stores, I actually took my time and enjoyed myself. I changed my reasoning a bit and decided that I would only go to places if I had a reason to be there. That does not mean that window shopping is eliminated, because in my book window shopping is a reason. I did plenty of that this year. I also told a good, longtime friend about my dressing this year and she did not go off the deep end. She is actually coming out to my house this Saturday to celebrate New Years with me and my family. For the first time, I actually cared enough about my looks to go on a diet strictly for Janet. So far I have lost 13 pounds in 5 months, and I hope to lose 37 more as soon as I can. My goal is to fit in the size 16 dresses that I have at storage by next winter.
For my next blog (hopefully tomorrow!!), I will discuss my plans for 2012!
TTFN,
Janet
The Ugly: The hot Texas summer put the nix on any dressing for five months this year. Unfortunately I am a bit overweight so the heat causes me to sweat profusely. Even with waterproof makeup, I end up looking like Tammy Faye Baker after 15 minutes outside.
The Bad: When you read the next post, you will see that I have been out more this year (in the 7 months I could go out) than in any previous year. Unfortunately, more time out means more time read. Lowlights in reading were the Kroger in Allen after my trip to the casino when the older lady stared at me for an eternity, and my shopping trip when my voice wasn't working and I was read on two separate occasions-once by the teen in WalMart and once by the cashier at Goodwill (I think she read me--voice fail). Also, I have had terrible confidence issues this year. My "Just Do It" (thank you Nike) attitude was on several occasions "Are you really sure you want to do it?"
The Good: There have been tons of good things that have happened to me this year. As I mentioned above, I have been out as Janet more this year than any previous year. I had several firsts this year. Included in these are my first time going to a casino, first time going grocery shopping, and first time checking out at a store with a live cashier. Instead of quick trips inside of stores, I actually took my time and enjoyed myself. I changed my reasoning a bit and decided that I would only go to places if I had a reason to be there. That does not mean that window shopping is eliminated, because in my book window shopping is a reason. I did plenty of that this year. I also told a good, longtime friend about my dressing this year and she did not go off the deep end. She is actually coming out to my house this Saturday to celebrate New Years with me and my family. For the first time, I actually cared enough about my looks to go on a diet strictly for Janet. So far I have lost 13 pounds in 5 months, and I hope to lose 37 more as soon as I can. My goal is to fit in the size 16 dresses that I have at storage by next winter.
For my next blog (hopefully tomorrow!!), I will discuss my plans for 2012!
TTFN,
Janet
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
One week later...
Hello all. I cannot believe that my last post was one week ago. How time flies! I usually try to post more frequently but sometimes things come up. Let's see, where were we last post? Oh, I was planning on a Christmas shopping experience.
Well, it happened last Thursday. This is the outfit I decided to wear:
I was so comfortable all day long! I started out at about 8 AM after the wife left for work. I dressed at the house and left from there. I had such a great time! First stop was to Kroger to pick up some of the non-perishables I will need for my Tulsa trip. I spent about 45 minutes in the store shopping, looking around, and making sure that I got everything I needed. I used the self checkout with no issues while surrounded by people. I walked out and proceeded to my next stop.
For my next stop I decided to go to Goodwill to see if I could find any clothes that caught my eye. I found two dresses that I ended up buying (total $15) and one that I hope is there when I go back.
Here is one of the dresses I bought:
The Goodwill mirror was filthy! The smudges you see are on the mirror, not the dress.
Here is a picture of the top part of the dress:
I love this dress! I especially love the coloring in the blouse part. I will be able to wear this dress with so many different colors of shoes. It will definitely be going with me to Tulsa and is already packed.
One of the things I have to work on is my confidence in wearing low cut blouses. I am partially shaved on my chest, so chest hair is not an issue. What is an issue is my breast forms. One of these days I will get real breast forms, but for now I use birdseed in pantyhose. It gives the proper shape and weight, but is obvious when you look down my blouse. Luckily this one is not too terribly low cut.
I sure hope this next dress is still at Goodwill when I go back, because I really liked it but didn't have the extra money:
I really like the length of the dress, how it fits, and the black button on the collar. I really think this dress would look good with a black blazer for an office look.
Well, I grabbed the two dresses I did purchase and went to the checkout stand. The young Latina in the checkout was not terribly friendly, but I did not think it was me. I watched her check out a few people before me, and she was that way with everyone. She addressed me as ma'am, so I guess I was doing OK! I paid for my dresses and left the store.
One of the other things I have been working on is my voice. I highly recommend the Developing a Female Voice CD by Melanie Anne Phillips. http://transgender.stores.yahoo.net/devfemvoic1.html
What I find tremendous about Melanie's CD is that she shows you how to develop a female voice that can be switched on and off at will. The programs I have seen on You Tube show a lot of ways to develop a permanent voice, but not an at will one. Anyways, I was leary about using my developing voice, so I whispered please and thank you to the clerk at Goodwill. Not a good idea if you are trying to blend in. In between stops, I decided to practice my voice and record it in my phone. I was amazed at the woman speaking to me when I replayed it! The DAFV CD works! Well spent $19.95!
The next stop was WalMart. The WalMart store I went to was near some offices, so I knew I would not stick out. As I walked in, I was greeted with a friendly "Good Afternoon, Ma'am" with no hesitation or second glances. I responded confidently and went to look around. I still had plenty of shopping to do for my wife, so I spent the majority of time in the women's section. I only got one set of looks, and it was from a teenage girl that was walking by. The rest of the time it was glances and moving on. What a liberating experience! I used the self checkout and left with my purchases. As I was leaving, the lady at the door gave me a "Thank you, ma'am." I love it!! I am ready for Tulsa!
I have to tell you about one of my purchases. While I was in the lingerie section, I happened upon the George brand hosiery section. In the back of the hosiery section was something I have never worn but might try with some of the dresses I wear in Tulsa--a lace garter belt with stockings! I can't wait to try it out! Janet's going sexy! LOL--yeah, right! It takes looks to go sexy!
Well, I am so sorry for neglecting my blog.
Talk to everyone soon!
Janet
Well, it happened last Thursday. This is the outfit I decided to wear:
I was so comfortable all day long! I started out at about 8 AM after the wife left for work. I dressed at the house and left from there. I had such a great time! First stop was to Kroger to pick up some of the non-perishables I will need for my Tulsa trip. I spent about 45 minutes in the store shopping, looking around, and making sure that I got everything I needed. I used the self checkout with no issues while surrounded by people. I walked out and proceeded to my next stop.
For my next stop I decided to go to Goodwill to see if I could find any clothes that caught my eye. I found two dresses that I ended up buying (total $15) and one that I hope is there when I go back.
Here is one of the dresses I bought:
The Goodwill mirror was filthy! The smudges you see are on the mirror, not the dress.
Here is a picture of the top part of the dress:
I love this dress! I especially love the coloring in the blouse part. I will be able to wear this dress with so many different colors of shoes. It will definitely be going with me to Tulsa and is already packed.
One of the things I have to work on is my confidence in wearing low cut blouses. I am partially shaved on my chest, so chest hair is not an issue. What is an issue is my breast forms. One of these days I will get real breast forms, but for now I use birdseed in pantyhose. It gives the proper shape and weight, but is obvious when you look down my blouse. Luckily this one is not too terribly low cut.
I sure hope this next dress is still at Goodwill when I go back, because I really liked it but didn't have the extra money:
I really like the length of the dress, how it fits, and the black button on the collar. I really think this dress would look good with a black blazer for an office look.
Well, I grabbed the two dresses I did purchase and went to the checkout stand. The young Latina in the checkout was not terribly friendly, but I did not think it was me. I watched her check out a few people before me, and she was that way with everyone. She addressed me as ma'am, so I guess I was doing OK! I paid for my dresses and left the store.
One of the other things I have been working on is my voice. I highly recommend the Developing a Female Voice CD by Melanie Anne Phillips. http://transgender.stores.yahoo.net/devfemvoic1.html
What I find tremendous about Melanie's CD is that she shows you how to develop a female voice that can be switched on and off at will. The programs I have seen on You Tube show a lot of ways to develop a permanent voice, but not an at will one. Anyways, I was leary about using my developing voice, so I whispered please and thank you to the clerk at Goodwill. Not a good idea if you are trying to blend in. In between stops, I decided to practice my voice and record it in my phone. I was amazed at the woman speaking to me when I replayed it! The DAFV CD works! Well spent $19.95!
The next stop was WalMart. The WalMart store I went to was near some offices, so I knew I would not stick out. As I walked in, I was greeted with a friendly "Good Afternoon, Ma'am" with no hesitation or second glances. I responded confidently and went to look around. I still had plenty of shopping to do for my wife, so I spent the majority of time in the women's section. I only got one set of looks, and it was from a teenage girl that was walking by. The rest of the time it was glances and moving on. What a liberating experience! I used the self checkout and left with my purchases. As I was leaving, the lady at the door gave me a "Thank you, ma'am." I love it!! I am ready for Tulsa!
I have to tell you about one of my purchases. While I was in the lingerie section, I happened upon the George brand hosiery section. In the back of the hosiery section was something I have never worn but might try with some of the dresses I wear in Tulsa--a lace garter belt with stockings! I can't wait to try it out! Janet's going sexy! LOL--yeah, right! It takes looks to go sexy!
Well, I am so sorry for neglecting my blog.
Talk to everyone soon!
Janet
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Hump Day!!
I am so glad it is Wednesday! Christmas is right around the corner! I have my Christmas music playing at my desk while I am working and I am really starting to get in the Christmas spirit.
I actually got to dress again yesterday. Unfortunately there is nothing really exciting to talk about with the dressing up, as it was a simple dress at storage, drive to a car wash a few miles from work, change into my drab clothes (while keeping the underdressed panties and pantyhose on), and go into work. You might ask why I bothered for an hour of dressing. The answer is easy--for practice. The more I wear complete outfits, the more I go out in full makeup and nails, the better I get at perfecting "my look" and the more comfortable I get at being Janet. By the time I get to Tulsa in 26 days, I will be so ready that it will be second nature for me.
I will be doing another all day affair real soon, and plan on using that time to take care of some Christmas shopping while en femme. At first I was thinking that I cannot do it in a dress and heels, but it will be a workday for most people and I will be out during the day, so I might end up in a nice dress or a skirt and blouse with 2 1/2 to 3 inch heels. I was thinking about a long sleeve blouse with an ankle length A line skirt and my black boots since the extended forecast shows that day with a high of mid 50's. That's just about right for a long skirt and long sleeves with boots. Depending on the wind I might have to wear slacks.We will see. There might be pictures ;-)
I actually got to dress again yesterday. Unfortunately there is nothing really exciting to talk about with the dressing up, as it was a simple dress at storage, drive to a car wash a few miles from work, change into my drab clothes (while keeping the underdressed panties and pantyhose on), and go into work. You might ask why I bothered for an hour of dressing. The answer is easy--for practice. The more I wear complete outfits, the more I go out in full makeup and nails, the better I get at perfecting "my look" and the more comfortable I get at being Janet. By the time I get to Tulsa in 26 days, I will be so ready that it will be second nature for me.
I will be doing another all day affair real soon, and plan on using that time to take care of some Christmas shopping while en femme. At first I was thinking that I cannot do it in a dress and heels, but it will be a workday for most people and I will be out during the day, so I might end up in a nice dress or a skirt and blouse with 2 1/2 to 3 inch heels. I was thinking about a long sleeve blouse with an ankle length A line skirt and my black boots since the extended forecast shows that day with a high of mid 50's. That's just about right for a long skirt and long sleeves with boots. Depending on the wind I might have to wear slacks.We will see. There might be pictures ;-)
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Transgendered in the news
This morning I was watching the news and a story came on about a couple from Dallas who are attempting to get a divorce. "So what?" you might ask. Couples get divorced all the time. The issue is that the male in the couple was once a female. After the reassignment surgery, his drivers license and birth certificate were changed to list him as male. Unfortunately, his wife decided that she does not want a divorce. Instead, she wants the marriage nullified because she now feels that the marriage was same sex (she knew before they were married that her SO was once a female) and same sex marriages are illegal in the state of Texas. The ironic thing is that if she would agree to a divorce, there would not be an issue since he is legally registered as male on all official documents including his birth certificate and the marriage license. Here is the link to the story. http://www.myfoxdfw.com/dpp/news/transgender-case-tests-marriage-laws-121211
Here is where this affects me. They had a short snippet of this story on the news last night. My wife was next to me when it came on. As soon as they mentioned transgendered and same sex marriage, she goes "Ewww" and turns her head away. Therein lies the reason why I have a "Don't ask, don't tell" relationship with her when it comes to my dressing. She would run away screaming flashing a crucifix in my face if I were to open up to her.
Here is where this affects me. They had a short snippet of this story on the news last night. My wife was next to me when it came on. As soon as they mentioned transgendered and same sex marriage, she goes "Ewww" and turns her head away. Therein lies the reason why I have a "Don't ask, don't tell" relationship with her when it comes to my dressing. She would run away screaming flashing a crucifix in my face if I were to open up to her.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday Monday
Yes folks, it is THAT time of the week again--time for the Monday return to work. It is difficult to get in the swing of things on Monday morning, especially when you have such a hectic weekend.
We had two birthday parties on Saturday followed by a full day of Christmas cleaning and decorating Sunday. I absolutely love Christmas, although the days leading up to it can be rough. Especially hanging the lights on the house. One end of our house is higher off the ground than the other thanks to the shape of the land it is on, so the roof of the high end is 12 feet off the ground.
Now, I will readily admit that I am scared of heights, more so of being on ladders. Because of my short arms (5'4" tall = short arms), I could only hang 5 C9 lights before I had to scale down the ladder, move it over a few feet, climb up the ladder, and repeat the process. So I had to ignore my fear for a couple of hours while I tackled this project. I fininshed without falling off the ladder, and considered it a minor triumph. My legs sure were in pain after installing the lights!
That made me think about the fears that we go through on a daily basis as transgendered individuals. I know I go through tons of fear each time I go out in public en femme. The first fear is that someone I know will see me. This is my main fear and is the reason why I try to go places where I have less chance of being recognized. Then there are the fears that my car will break down, I will get humiliated or worse by a bigoted jerk in any of the places I go to, I will lock my keys in the car, I will run into a clueless cop that does not understand that dressing as a woman is not illegal, etc...
You may ask how I get rid of the fear. The answer? I don't. To explain, I do not get rid of the fear, but I do not let it control me either. If any of those things happen, I will just get up off the ground, dust myself off, and keep on plugging away. The ironic thing is, none of those things have happened so far.
The bad thing about the ladder incident is that my legs were too sore for me to wear heels this morning, plus I was running super late, so I could not dress. at all. I have an outfit in the car that I can change into on the way in to work tomorrow, so I just need to get out of the house earlier.
A special thanks to Meg @ Call Me Meg for the shout out on her Sunday post! I hope that Meg's suggestion will help bring more followers to my blog.
We had two birthday parties on Saturday followed by a full day of Christmas cleaning and decorating Sunday. I absolutely love Christmas, although the days leading up to it can be rough. Especially hanging the lights on the house. One end of our house is higher off the ground than the other thanks to the shape of the land it is on, so the roof of the high end is 12 feet off the ground.
Now, I will readily admit that I am scared of heights, more so of being on ladders. Because of my short arms (5'4" tall = short arms), I could only hang 5 C9 lights before I had to scale down the ladder, move it over a few feet, climb up the ladder, and repeat the process. So I had to ignore my fear for a couple of hours while I tackled this project. I fininshed without falling off the ladder, and considered it a minor triumph. My legs sure were in pain after installing the lights!
That made me think about the fears that we go through on a daily basis as transgendered individuals. I know I go through tons of fear each time I go out in public en femme. The first fear is that someone I know will see me. This is my main fear and is the reason why I try to go places where I have less chance of being recognized. Then there are the fears that my car will break down, I will get humiliated or worse by a bigoted jerk in any of the places I go to, I will lock my keys in the car, I will run into a clueless cop that does not understand that dressing as a woman is not illegal, etc...
You may ask how I get rid of the fear. The answer? I don't. To explain, I do not get rid of the fear, but I do not let it control me either. If any of those things happen, I will just get up off the ground, dust myself off, and keep on plugging away. The ironic thing is, none of those things have happened so far.
The bad thing about the ladder incident is that my legs were too sore for me to wear heels this morning, plus I was running super late, so I could not dress. at all. I have an outfit in the car that I can change into on the way in to work tomorrow, so I just need to get out of the house earlier.
A special thanks to Meg @ Call Me Meg for the shout out on her Sunday post! I hope that Meg's suggestion will help bring more followers to my blog.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
The most wonderful time of the year...
We had our annual work Christmas party last night. As I sat there in my men's slacks, dress shirt, and tie, I could not help but be envious of all the women wearing their dresses or skirts and blouses with pantyhose and high heels. I really do like the fall and winter time the best. Gone are the flip flops and bare legs, and they are replaced with heels, boots, tights, pantyhose, and nice clothes.
It is also the time of year that allows me to dress the most. The sweltering Texas summers make it really hard to wear makeup and arm concealing blouses and dresses. Not to mention pantyhose, which are a necessity for me (thanks to years of leg and calf abuse as an active young man). So I definitely look forward to this time of year.
I stopped by storage last night and finalized some of my wardrobe plans for Tulsa. It is going to be so much fun! In the past I have restricted myself to dark colors, but with some of the outfits there will be hints of color. Brightly colored tights, tops, and shoes are finally a part of my wardrobe. In fact, one outfit is a teal knee length dress with matching high heel t-strap pumps I found at Cato. There are a few outfits that have matching tights and tops.
I think I am stuck on patent leather. Of the 15 pairs of shoes I plan on taking to Tulsa, 10 of them are patent leather. 7 pairs are black, 1 pair is navy, 1 pair is teal, and 1 pair is tan. The 5 non patent leather are 3 black and 2 navy. I just think patent leather looks pretty. It seems lots of women I work with agree. I counted at least 7 ladies last night wearing black patent heels. That is around 8% of the attendees at the party, and probably 1/8 of the women in attendance.
It is also the time of year that allows me to dress the most. The sweltering Texas summers make it really hard to wear makeup and arm concealing blouses and dresses. Not to mention pantyhose, which are a necessity for me (thanks to years of leg and calf abuse as an active young man). So I definitely look forward to this time of year.
I stopped by storage last night and finalized some of my wardrobe plans for Tulsa. It is going to be so much fun! In the past I have restricted myself to dark colors, but with some of the outfits there will be hints of color. Brightly colored tights, tops, and shoes are finally a part of my wardrobe. In fact, one outfit is a teal knee length dress with matching high heel t-strap pumps I found at Cato. There are a few outfits that have matching tights and tops.
I think I am stuck on patent leather. Of the 15 pairs of shoes I plan on taking to Tulsa, 10 of them are patent leather. 7 pairs are black, 1 pair is navy, 1 pair is teal, and 1 pair is tan. The 5 non patent leather are 3 black and 2 navy. I just think patent leather looks pretty. It seems lots of women I work with agree. I counted at least 7 ladies last night wearing black patent heels. That is around 8% of the attendees at the party, and probably 1/8 of the women in attendance.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Epic Fail once again--sort of.
Every Tuesday my TV is tuned to Fox from 7 - 9 to watch the three shows I am addicted to: Glee, New Girl, and Raising Hope. Glee was excellent as usual, as was New Girl. Raising Hope was going great until main character Jimmy and his coworker Frank decide to go confront former school bully Tommy. When Tommy comes to the door--big surprise--Tommy is now Tammy. The reason for the title of this post is what happens next. Tammy is portrayed as a butch woman who beats up both Jimmy and Frank. Granted, the two men threw the first punches, but Tammy is portrayed as a burly person who just happens to dress and talk like a woman. I think this was done for comedy's sake, but I am getting tired of TV and movies portraying the transgendered community as a freak show. Of course, this was just a TV show and not real life, but how will the public ever come to an understanding about transgendered people if the media portrays us as mindless buffoons who are nothing more than guys in dresses (or ladies in jeans and flannel shirts, depending on which side of the TG community you are on)? I do not think that the general public will ever understand what it means to go through life every day wishing you could present as the individual you feel you are. I am a woman in every sense except for my physical appearance. Can I scream that from the rooftops? Sure, if I want to be locked in a padded cell in Terrell.
OK, enough with the soap box. It is hump day! I am so glad the week is almost half over, although it means we are one day closer to Christmas. That wouldn't be a bad thing, except that I am only a third of the way through with my shopping. The guy in me says I still have 17 days, but the woman in me says that is not enough time! At least I love to shop!
Well, after looking through all of the items I have purchased and what I have at storage, I think I am almost ready for my trip! A few more pairs of pantyhose and a few more sets of nails (since I will have to remove them each afternoon--sucks) and I will be set. I am still trying on different outfits to see if any need to be changed or altered, but I think I am almost ready. I have decided that I will be wearing a black sleeveless shift over a black longsleeve turtleneck sweater with black patterned tights and black patent 1 1/2 inch kitten heel pumps. I think the outfit will look extremely cute, yet will be warm enough when I am outside of my car. Most of the outfits I have chosen were picked because of their practicality as well as their fashion. Remember, the key is blending, not sticking out like a sore thumb. Lots of tights, lots of slacks and jeans, lots of sweaters and thick shirts and boots boots boots.
Of course, this plan will be thrown out the window and I will be scrambling to make other wardrobe plans if the weather is not its usual bitter cold for early January in Eastern Oklahoma. Luckily, I have plenty of light and cute dresses and skirts that I can wear if that is the case!
Until we meet again,
XOXO
Janet
OK, enough with the soap box. It is hump day! I am so glad the week is almost half over, although it means we are one day closer to Christmas. That wouldn't be a bad thing, except that I am only a third of the way through with my shopping. The guy in me says I still have 17 days, but the woman in me says that is not enough time! At least I love to shop!
Well, after looking through all of the items I have purchased and what I have at storage, I think I am almost ready for my trip! A few more pairs of pantyhose and a few more sets of nails (since I will have to remove them each afternoon--sucks) and I will be set. I am still trying on different outfits to see if any need to be changed or altered, but I think I am almost ready. I have decided that I will be wearing a black sleeveless shift over a black longsleeve turtleneck sweater with black patterned tights and black patent 1 1/2 inch kitten heel pumps. I think the outfit will look extremely cute, yet will be warm enough when I am outside of my car. Most of the outfits I have chosen were picked because of their practicality as well as their fashion. Remember, the key is blending, not sticking out like a sore thumb. Lots of tights, lots of slacks and jeans, lots of sweaters and thick shirts and boots boots boots.
Of course, this plan will be thrown out the window and I will be scrambling to make other wardrobe plans if the weather is not its usual bitter cold for early January in Eastern Oklahoma. Luckily, I have plenty of light and cute dresses and skirts that I can wear if that is the case!
Until we meet again,
XOXO
Janet
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
My Fashion Influences
As I was surfing the internet this morning, I came across a site that had the 10 most popular TV series concluding episodes of all time (MASH's Goodbye, Farewell and Amen was naturally #1--same in my book), and while fawning over the understated elegance of Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson on Home Improvement) it got me to thinking about the ladies that have influenced Janet's fashion sense the most during these 34 years.
In no particular order (names abbreviated to protect the innocent):
Mom, my HS Spanish teacher Mrs. A, My Jr. High Orchestra teacher Mrs. J, office ladies in downtown Dallas, my former neighbors B, L, and A, my former roommate A, my friend T's mom, and all of the ladies on TV and in movies that realize that you can still look elegant without going overboard.
I try to emulate all of these ladies' styles. Mrs. A's sky high black stilettos and knee length skirts, Mrs. J's black patent pumps, sleeveless shift dresses, and silk long sleeve blouses, the Dallas ladies' skirtsuits and pantsuits, B's skirts and blouses with high heel pumps, L's stewardess outfits, A's different colored pumps and shirt dresses, and Mom's secretary fashion, nylon panties, colored tights, sweater dresses, and control top pantyhose all influence my style.
Just a small pictureless peek into my wardrobe speaks to all of these fashions. I have a nice pair of black 4 1/2" heel stilettos, 2/3 of my shoes are black patent (they go with everything and range from a pair of pointy toe flats to my 4 1/2" Jessica Simpson Oscars), several knee length skirts, sleeveless shift dresses and long sleeve silk blouses, a few skirtsuits and pantsuits, pumps in a rainbow of colors, and my collection of navy blue shoes and outfits would appease any flight attendant. As for Mom's fashion, I have several office appropriate dresses (some of which look remarkably like ones she had worn in the past), I wear only nylon panties and bodybriefers, and I do not go anywhere without my control top pantyhose or tights on. That part of the list of influences is in order because she has influenced me the most. I can still recall the image of my Mom standing in the bedroom ironing her gray skirt while wearing a white and pink cap sleeve blouse, white nylon panties, pale pink control top pantyhose (the 80's--they came in all kinds of colors), and gray slingback pumps. I got a lot of the ability to color coordinate and put outfits together from Mom. Some of the outfits I am wearing in Tulsa next month are Mom inspired. I can't wait to share those outfits with the world.
In no particular order (names abbreviated to protect the innocent):
Mom, my HS Spanish teacher Mrs. A, My Jr. High Orchestra teacher Mrs. J, office ladies in downtown Dallas, my former neighbors B, L, and A, my former roommate A, my friend T's mom, and all of the ladies on TV and in movies that realize that you can still look elegant without going overboard.
I try to emulate all of these ladies' styles. Mrs. A's sky high black stilettos and knee length skirts, Mrs. J's black patent pumps, sleeveless shift dresses, and silk long sleeve blouses, the Dallas ladies' skirtsuits and pantsuits, B's skirts and blouses with high heel pumps, L's stewardess outfits, A's different colored pumps and shirt dresses, and Mom's secretary fashion, nylon panties, colored tights, sweater dresses, and control top pantyhose all influence my style.
Just a small pictureless peek into my wardrobe speaks to all of these fashions. I have a nice pair of black 4 1/2" heel stilettos, 2/3 of my shoes are black patent (they go with everything and range from a pair of pointy toe flats to my 4 1/2" Jessica Simpson Oscars), several knee length skirts, sleeveless shift dresses and long sleeve silk blouses, a few skirtsuits and pantsuits, pumps in a rainbow of colors, and my collection of navy blue shoes and outfits would appease any flight attendant. As for Mom's fashion, I have several office appropriate dresses (some of which look remarkably like ones she had worn in the past), I wear only nylon panties and bodybriefers, and I do not go anywhere without my control top pantyhose or tights on. That part of the list of influences is in order because she has influenced me the most. I can still recall the image of my Mom standing in the bedroom ironing her gray skirt while wearing a white and pink cap sleeve blouse, white nylon panties, pale pink control top pantyhose (the 80's--they came in all kinds of colors), and gray slingback pumps. I got a lot of the ability to color coordinate and put outfits together from Mom. Some of the outfits I am wearing in Tulsa next month are Mom inspired. I can't wait to share those outfits with the world.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Ready for Tulsa!?!?
In 35 short days I will be heading up US75 to Tulsa for 6 days. The reason for going is quite masculine, but while I am there I will have tons of time to express my feminine side. It is a time for great excitement, but I am very nervous about it. I have dressed as Janet in Tulsa before, but it has been a while. I have increased my wardrobe and my ability to blend, but I still am worried about being in a strange place. I will be dressing from the time I leave on Tuesday until about 3PM that afternoon, and then from 11PM that night until 3PM Wednesday. I will continue this cycle Wednesday night and Thursday night. My real nervousness comes Friday night. There are some LGBT clubs in Tulsa, and I intend to go to one on Friday night. I am both nervous and excited, because it will be the first time I have been around other LGBT people since the TriESS meeting I went to a year or so ago. This will be a big test.
There is one thing I have learned about the experience this time: it is expensive to take Janet along on trips! With the pantyhose, makeup, nails, body cleansing essentials, and other items that I have had to purchase in the past few weeks, I have spent a lot of money. Hopefully it will be worth it. I plan on stopping at Choctaw on the way there and on the way back, going to the Equality Center and Library while in Tulsa, and hitting a couple clubs. I will also take in a few movies and go mall crawling. This will without a doubt be the most time I have ever spent as Janet at one time. I have started packing everything for the trip. The plan is to leave the house at around 6AM, leave storage at around 7AM, pick up breakfast on the road, make it to Choctaw at around 9AM, and pull into Tulsa at about 3PM. I cannot wait! I am taking my laptop and camera with me so I will be posting updates each day with pictures!
There is one thing I have learned about the experience this time: it is expensive to take Janet along on trips! With the pantyhose, makeup, nails, body cleansing essentials, and other items that I have had to purchase in the past few weeks, I have spent a lot of money. Hopefully it will be worth it. I plan on stopping at Choctaw on the way there and on the way back, going to the Equality Center and Library while in Tulsa, and hitting a couple clubs. I will also take in a few movies and go mall crawling. This will without a doubt be the most time I have ever spent as Janet at one time. I have started packing everything for the trip. The plan is to leave the house at around 6AM, leave storage at around 7AM, pick up breakfast on the road, make it to Choctaw at around 9AM, and pull into Tulsa at about 3PM. I cannot wait! I am taking my laptop and camera with me so I will be posting updates each day with pictures!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Transgendered or Crossdresser?
I have read several posts on other LGBT blogs that discuss the differences between transgendered people and crossdressers, and truthfully, I don't fit completely into either. I am a man that dresses in womens clothing when I have the chance and 90% of the time am underdressed. That would make me a crossdresser.
But stop the presses. I also have the emotions and feelings typically attributed to the female gender, and feel that I am a woman stuck in a man's body. Nothing makes me feel more like myself than spending all day in panties, pantyhose, a bra, a nice woman's outfit, heels, and makeup and wig, partaking the day as a woman. That would make me a transgendered person. Current circumstances have dictated that I cannot present full-time as a woman, but if I could, I would. There is just too much at stake.
So where does that leave me? Because I feel that my physical makeup is not what it should be, I am transgendered. Yes, I do present as a man when the need arises. I work on cars, I fix the house, I mow the lawns, etc.., but the whole time I wish I was doing it while presenting myself as Janet. I wish I was doing those things with my wig in a ponytail, wearing capris, a knit t-shirt, and canvas shoes or ballet flats, worrying about breaking one of my french manicured nails.
To ask the question again: Where does that leave me? The answer is in a constant state of turmoil.
But stop the presses. I also have the emotions and feelings typically attributed to the female gender, and feel that I am a woman stuck in a man's body. Nothing makes me feel more like myself than spending all day in panties, pantyhose, a bra, a nice woman's outfit, heels, and makeup and wig, partaking the day as a woman. That would make me a transgendered person. Current circumstances have dictated that I cannot present full-time as a woman, but if I could, I would. There is just too much at stake.
So where does that leave me? Because I feel that my physical makeup is not what it should be, I am transgendered. Yes, I do present as a man when the need arises. I work on cars, I fix the house, I mow the lawns, etc.., but the whole time I wish I was doing it while presenting myself as Janet. I wish I was doing those things with my wig in a ponytail, wearing capris, a knit t-shirt, and canvas shoes or ballet flats, worrying about breaking one of my french manicured nails.
To ask the question again: Where does that leave me? The answer is in a constant state of turmoil.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thought for Tuesday & Tip #1 - 3
As I was driving into work today, I had an idea for my next blog. I have read tons of articles describing the differences between men and women. One difference that I have come across several times is that the authors assume that women are calmer and more forgiving behind the wheel. As I was cut off by a woman in an SUV for the fifth time in thirty minutes, I had to question that logic. While posing the question, a blonde haired beauty in a Lexus roared by me in the left lane, swerving in and out of traffic like she was on a slalom ski course.
Here is my point: quit worrying about doing everything like a woman. The more you try to ensure all of your mannerisms are feminine, the more those mannerisms will appear rehearsed and fake. Think of drag queens. All of their mannerisms are overstated, and it is obvious they are playing a part. Are we playing a part or trying to be ourselves? I know when I am presenting as Janet, I am doing all things as the woman that I am. I just do what comes natural to me, and do not worry if it is inherently masculine or feminine.
When I was at the casino last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to watch ladies as they played the slots. The majority did not sit like prim and proper ladies with their legs crossed at the knees and their hands gently crossed on their laps. They sat any way they felt comfortable. That should tell us something. If we are not comfortable, how can we properly present as our femme personas? We can't.
Tip#1
So I am going to offer this first tip for those CD/TG MTF ladies out there who are starting out and might be concerned about presenting or passing in public:
Relax! GGs (genetic girls) walk in different styles, talk with different resonance, sit in different ways, have different mannerisms, and generally act differently from one another.
Now, this is not to say that we should all go out there in mini-skirts sitting with our legs wide open, grabbing our crotches while we are burping and farting uncontrollably, but try to make your bodily movements seem as natural as possible. An uncomfortable person, whether male or female, will show their comfort level through their body movements. It draws attention to you and makes people who normally would not give you a second glance pay closer attention to you. And that is when most people get read.
Tip#2
Have fun! Nothing pushes people away more than a frown. I understand that some of us do not want to interact with others when we are en femme because of voice or other issues, but how are we going to make the world understand that we are normal unless we start acting normally? If a salesperson comes up to you, do not brush them away. Talk to them. You will be amazed how much assistance you can get with wardrobe and makeup tips when you talk to others. Find places such as Dress Barn and Sephora that are CD friendly and give it a whirl!
Tip#3
Dress appropriately! This may sound basic, but it is true. How many times do you see a woman in a cocktail dress and 4 inch heels shopping for groceries at 10 o'clock at night? I will assume never. If you are going to a nice dinner with friends at an appropriate location, the cocktail dress and heels are appropriate. Or maybe if you are going to a wedding or a formal party. Here are my ideas for everyday wear that will allow you to fit in while still looking nice.
During the week:
Businesswomen do go shopping before and after work and at lunch. Wear a skirtsuit or pantsuit with three to four inch heels, moderate makeup, and basic jewelry from 6AM to 6PM. If you are going to do a lot of shopping with tons of walking, I would suggest shorter heels.
After 6PM, most women have changed into casual attire. If you go out for normal errands after 6, change into jeans or capris with a nice knit shirt and flats or low heel wedges. As this is my blog, I will state my #1 pet peeve--flip flops. Flip flops are NOT a fashion statement and are not appropriate except for places that serve fruity drinks with umbrellas in them while the sand covers your feet as you walk. Nothing turns me away more than a lady with a nice dress or other nice outfit wearing flip flops. Janet does not own a pair and never will. My male persona has a pair but restricts their use to around the house.
Weekend:
In the summertime, a pair of shorts or a light skirt and a t and canvas shoes or ballerina flats works well with minimal makeup and jewelry during the day with a sleeveless or cap sleeve sundress and flats or dress sandals for nighttime wear.
In the spring and fall, replace the shorts with capris and add a thin cardigan for the daytime. For the nighttime depending on where you are going, a dress with hose and high heels or jeans with a silk blouse and low heels work well.
For winter, jeans or leggings tucked into boots (low heeled during the day, high heeled at night) with a big sweater is the way to go.
I am by no means a fashion expert, but these are the types of outfits I have found blend easier than extravagant ones.
Well, that is all for today's blog. I will add more tips as I find ones that I feel I should share.
Until later, keep your hose run-free and your wigs unmatted!
Janet
Here is my point: quit worrying about doing everything like a woman. The more you try to ensure all of your mannerisms are feminine, the more those mannerisms will appear rehearsed and fake. Think of drag queens. All of their mannerisms are overstated, and it is obvious they are playing a part. Are we playing a part or trying to be ourselves? I know when I am presenting as Janet, I am doing all things as the woman that I am. I just do what comes natural to me, and do not worry if it is inherently masculine or feminine.
When I was at the casino last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to watch ladies as they played the slots. The majority did not sit like prim and proper ladies with their legs crossed at the knees and their hands gently crossed on their laps. They sat any way they felt comfortable. That should tell us something. If we are not comfortable, how can we properly present as our femme personas? We can't.
Tip#1
So I am going to offer this first tip for those CD/TG MTF ladies out there who are starting out and might be concerned about presenting or passing in public:
Relax! GGs (genetic girls) walk in different styles, talk with different resonance, sit in different ways, have different mannerisms, and generally act differently from one another.
Now, this is not to say that we should all go out there in mini-skirts sitting with our legs wide open, grabbing our crotches while we are burping and farting uncontrollably, but try to make your bodily movements seem as natural as possible. An uncomfortable person, whether male or female, will show their comfort level through their body movements. It draws attention to you and makes people who normally would not give you a second glance pay closer attention to you. And that is when most people get read.
Tip#2
Have fun! Nothing pushes people away more than a frown. I understand that some of us do not want to interact with others when we are en femme because of voice or other issues, but how are we going to make the world understand that we are normal unless we start acting normally? If a salesperson comes up to you, do not brush them away. Talk to them. You will be amazed how much assistance you can get with wardrobe and makeup tips when you talk to others. Find places such as Dress Barn and Sephora that are CD friendly and give it a whirl!
Tip#3
Dress appropriately! This may sound basic, but it is true. How many times do you see a woman in a cocktail dress and 4 inch heels shopping for groceries at 10 o'clock at night? I will assume never. If you are going to a nice dinner with friends at an appropriate location, the cocktail dress and heels are appropriate. Or maybe if you are going to a wedding or a formal party. Here are my ideas for everyday wear that will allow you to fit in while still looking nice.
During the week:
Businesswomen do go shopping before and after work and at lunch. Wear a skirtsuit or pantsuit with three to four inch heels, moderate makeup, and basic jewelry from 6AM to 6PM. If you are going to do a lot of shopping with tons of walking, I would suggest shorter heels.
After 6PM, most women have changed into casual attire. If you go out for normal errands after 6, change into jeans or capris with a nice knit shirt and flats or low heel wedges. As this is my blog, I will state my #1 pet peeve--flip flops. Flip flops are NOT a fashion statement and are not appropriate except for places that serve fruity drinks with umbrellas in them while the sand covers your feet as you walk. Nothing turns me away more than a lady with a nice dress or other nice outfit wearing flip flops. Janet does not own a pair and never will. My male persona has a pair but restricts their use to around the house.
Weekend:
In the summertime, a pair of shorts or a light skirt and a t and canvas shoes or ballerina flats works well with minimal makeup and jewelry during the day with a sleeveless or cap sleeve sundress and flats or dress sandals for nighttime wear.
In the spring and fall, replace the shorts with capris and add a thin cardigan for the daytime. For the nighttime depending on where you are going, a dress with hose and high heels or jeans with a silk blouse and low heels work well.
For winter, jeans or leggings tucked into boots (low heeled during the day, high heeled at night) with a big sweater is the way to go.
Well, that is all for today's blog. I will add more tips as I find ones that I feel I should share.
Until later, keep your hose run-free and your wigs unmatted!
Janet
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday Blog
Hello all. It has been a while since I have posted so I figured I needed to post an update. I have spent a couple full days dressed over the past two weeks, and both have been glorious experiences, although one resulted in a major reading.
First Full Day: Friday the 18th
I have neglected my closet (aka my storage building) for some time now, and with the receipt of the bags of clothes I mentioned in a previous post I needed to get the space organized. I left early that morning and arrived at the storage area at 6:30AM. I dressed in jeans, 3/4 sleeve knit shirt, hose, and low heeled pumps, with my full makeup, nails, and wig. A little overdressed for cleaning out a storage building, but I sure looked good doing it! By about 2PM I was starting to get hungry, and I was out of hangers. I stuffed what I had left to organize in my shed, and headed to the local WalMart. I walked in, grabbed a Lunchable and some hangers, and made my way to the self checkouts. Unfortunately, there were no empty lanes, so I had to wait. As I stood there in line, I watched everyone around me. It was amazing to watch how many times someone glanced my way and then went about their tasks. Finally it was my turn to check out. I scanned my items, paid for them, and walked out. No one even acknowledged I was there, and I am kinda glad!
The rest of the day way fairly uneventful, as I went back to storage, changed into my drab clothes, and went home. On to the eventful day!
Second Full Day: Wednesday the 23rd
I have wanted to get an ID card with my femme picture on it for sometime to assist me when I go to clubs, or if I am asked for it while writing a check or using my checkcard. As I was off on Wednesday for Thanksgiving holiday and the wife had to work, I decided that would be the perfect day to go. For my outfit, I decided to dress business casual, wearing my black slacks, blue long sleeve knit shirt with a thin black patent belt, tan pantyhose, and black patent 2"wedge heel pumps with a bow on the vamp.
I live in Collin County in Texas, so there are only a few places I can go to get the identification card. Either I can go to Plano, or to McKinney. Part of my family lives in Plano, so I chose to go to McKinney to avaoid running into relatives. After making sure that my hair and makeup were acceptable, I headed to McKinney. I pulled into the driveway of the DMV and noticed that there were not many cars there. I got out and headed to the door, only to find it barricaded with a note stating that it had moved to a different location. As I sat in my car, I contemplated what I should do next. I was set on finding the new driver's license location when an idea struck me. Where I live is only about 1 1/4 hours from the casinos in Oklahoma. I decided now would be as good a time as any to try my luck presenting at a casino as Janet. I headed north on US 75 to Durant, OK, got there at about 10:30AM, and entered the casino. I spent two hours in the casino. I did not interact with anyone but did catch the glances of several people while I was walking around. I had absolutely no trouble at all in there and highly recommend that any North Texas or Oklahoma girls that read this make the trip. It is worth it to reaffirm the notion that most people do not care how you are dressed and will not give you a second thought. I plan on going to Tulsa the first part of January and will definitely make a point of stopping at the casino again on my way up there. Hopefully I won't blow any money that time.
My confidence was exploding after that. I have recently purchased a Speaking as a Woman CD and have been practicing as much as possible, so I decided to go to McDonalds drive through to try it out. Being called Ma'am over the speaker was heavenly. I paid for my food and drove home. That is when I experienced the only letdown of the whole entire day. I had to go to the restroom, so I decided to stop at a Kroger on the way to storage. When I was walking to the restroom, an elderly lady glanced at me and could not stop staring. I had been read. It is something I have grown to expect, but usually the people give a second look followed by a smile or a look of disbelief and then move on. This lady actually stared. It was a very uneasy feeling. I see now why so many ladies feel so awkward when men stare at them. Because of that situation, I made it to the restroom, did my business, and went to storage to change. All in all, it was a wonderful time spent doing what I love.
First Full Day: Friday the 18th
I have neglected my closet (aka my storage building) for some time now, and with the receipt of the bags of clothes I mentioned in a previous post I needed to get the space organized. I left early that morning and arrived at the storage area at 6:30AM. I dressed in jeans, 3/4 sleeve knit shirt, hose, and low heeled pumps, with my full makeup, nails, and wig. A little overdressed for cleaning out a storage building, but I sure looked good doing it! By about 2PM I was starting to get hungry, and I was out of hangers. I stuffed what I had left to organize in my shed, and headed to the local WalMart. I walked in, grabbed a Lunchable and some hangers, and made my way to the self checkouts. Unfortunately, there were no empty lanes, so I had to wait. As I stood there in line, I watched everyone around me. It was amazing to watch how many times someone glanced my way and then went about their tasks. Finally it was my turn to check out. I scanned my items, paid for them, and walked out. No one even acknowledged I was there, and I am kinda glad!
The rest of the day way fairly uneventful, as I went back to storage, changed into my drab clothes, and went home. On to the eventful day!
Second Full Day: Wednesday the 23rd
I have wanted to get an ID card with my femme picture on it for sometime to assist me when I go to clubs, or if I am asked for it while writing a check or using my checkcard. As I was off on Wednesday for Thanksgiving holiday and the wife had to work, I decided that would be the perfect day to go. For my outfit, I decided to dress business casual, wearing my black slacks, blue long sleeve knit shirt with a thin black patent belt, tan pantyhose, and black patent 2"wedge heel pumps with a bow on the vamp.
I live in Collin County in Texas, so there are only a few places I can go to get the identification card. Either I can go to Plano, or to McKinney. Part of my family lives in Plano, so I chose to go to McKinney to avaoid running into relatives. After making sure that my hair and makeup were acceptable, I headed to McKinney. I pulled into the driveway of the DMV and noticed that there were not many cars there. I got out and headed to the door, only to find it barricaded with a note stating that it had moved to a different location. As I sat in my car, I contemplated what I should do next. I was set on finding the new driver's license location when an idea struck me. Where I live is only about 1 1/4 hours from the casinos in Oklahoma. I decided now would be as good a time as any to try my luck presenting at a casino as Janet. I headed north on US 75 to Durant, OK, got there at about 10:30AM, and entered the casino. I spent two hours in the casino. I did not interact with anyone but did catch the glances of several people while I was walking around. I had absolutely no trouble at all in there and highly recommend that any North Texas or Oklahoma girls that read this make the trip. It is worth it to reaffirm the notion that most people do not care how you are dressed and will not give you a second thought. I plan on going to Tulsa the first part of January and will definitely make a point of stopping at the casino again on my way up there. Hopefully I won't blow any money that time.
My confidence was exploding after that. I have recently purchased a Speaking as a Woman CD and have been practicing as much as possible, so I decided to go to McDonalds drive through to try it out. Being called Ma'am over the speaker was heavenly. I paid for my food and drove home. That is when I experienced the only letdown of the whole entire day. I had to go to the restroom, so I decided to stop at a Kroger on the way to storage. When I was walking to the restroom, an elderly lady glanced at me and could not stop staring. I had been read. It is something I have grown to expect, but usually the people give a second look followed by a smile or a look of disbelief and then move on. This lady actually stared. It was a very uneasy feeling. I see now why so many ladies feel so awkward when men stare at them. Because of that situation, I made it to the restroom, did my business, and went to storage to change. All in all, it was a wonderful time spent doing what I love.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Tuesday Thoughts
Happy Tuesday to all of you. I hope you are having a blessed day.
My second blog was in regards to different realizations that I have come to at different times in my life. As I sit here in front of my computer here at work, I am contemplating the changes that I have gone through in the past six years. You see, seven years ago I was WAY closeted. I did not wear makeup, I had a cheap halloween wig for my hair, and I resorted to only going out when it was dark so I was less noticed. My stops were to pay at the pump gas stations and parks. I did not venture out into any area where there were people. I was scared.
Then, six years ago I decided that I needed to take the next step. I took the plunge and ordered a good wig from wigs.com. I started experimenting with makeup. Lord knows I looked like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show at first, but with a little practice I started to get the knack of it. For the biggest change, I started to go out places. I started off going to the mall. As a scared little baby, I would walk in, make a lap around the entrance section of the mall (making sure to keep my distance from everyone), and leave. I would sit in my car for at least 15 - 20 minutes before I would go in, making sure that I got up enough nerve to do it.
Little by little, I started to get braver. Instead of sitting in the car talking myself out of chickening out, I parked, turned off the car, and walked in. I started staying there for a while. I started window shopping and actually walking into stores. If people smiled at me, I smiled back. Unfortunately, I still was too scared to interact with cashiers and sales associates.
A year ago something happened that changed my outlook forever. I was in Ross Dress for Less and saw a great looking dress that I could not live without. I was dressed as Janet, so I had two choices. Either I could leave and come back the following day in drab and take a chance the dress would be gone, or I could adopt the "I don't care" attitude that my friend Meg talks about and go up to the cashier to buy my dress. I chose the latter. I walked up to the gentleman, smiled and said "Hi," and waited for him to ring up my purchase. I paid for the purchase, received my change and my bag, and left the store. Nothing bad happened to me. The tranny police didn't stop me at the door and ask me to remove my wig and breast forms, there were no announcements of "There's a tranny in the store," and no one made me feel the least bit uncomfortable. Sure there were a few people that took double takes, but for the most part everyone just minded their own business.
The moral of the story is this:
Do not worry what others think. For the most part you will never see them again. If they work in an establishment you are shopping at, they want your money, regardless of the clothes you are wearing. Just get out there and shop!
There is something else that I have noticed, and I wonder if other transsexuals feel this way. For as long as I can remember, I have gone through mood swings. For instance, this past Saturday, I got really moody! There was nothing that provoked it, I just got moody. I have often stated that I have the body of a man with the internal makeup of a woman. You think I might have a little hormone imbalance? I am curious to see if this happens on a regular interval.
My second blog was in regards to different realizations that I have come to at different times in my life. As I sit here in front of my computer here at work, I am contemplating the changes that I have gone through in the past six years. You see, seven years ago I was WAY closeted. I did not wear makeup, I had a cheap halloween wig for my hair, and I resorted to only going out when it was dark so I was less noticed. My stops were to pay at the pump gas stations and parks. I did not venture out into any area where there were people. I was scared.
Then, six years ago I decided that I needed to take the next step. I took the plunge and ordered a good wig from wigs.com. I started experimenting with makeup. Lord knows I looked like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show at first, but with a little practice I started to get the knack of it. For the biggest change, I started to go out places. I started off going to the mall. As a scared little baby, I would walk in, make a lap around the entrance section of the mall (making sure to keep my distance from everyone), and leave. I would sit in my car for at least 15 - 20 minutes before I would go in, making sure that I got up enough nerve to do it.
Little by little, I started to get braver. Instead of sitting in the car talking myself out of chickening out, I parked, turned off the car, and walked in. I started staying there for a while. I started window shopping and actually walking into stores. If people smiled at me, I smiled back. Unfortunately, I still was too scared to interact with cashiers and sales associates.
A year ago something happened that changed my outlook forever. I was in Ross Dress for Less and saw a great looking dress that I could not live without. I was dressed as Janet, so I had two choices. Either I could leave and come back the following day in drab and take a chance the dress would be gone, or I could adopt the "I don't care" attitude that my friend Meg talks about and go up to the cashier to buy my dress. I chose the latter. I walked up to the gentleman, smiled and said "Hi," and waited for him to ring up my purchase. I paid for the purchase, received my change and my bag, and left the store. Nothing bad happened to me. The tranny police didn't stop me at the door and ask me to remove my wig and breast forms, there were no announcements of "There's a tranny in the store," and no one made me feel the least bit uncomfortable. Sure there were a few people that took double takes, but for the most part everyone just minded their own business.
The moral of the story is this:
Do not worry what others think. For the most part you will never see them again. If they work in an establishment you are shopping at, they want your money, regardless of the clothes you are wearing. Just get out there and shop!
There is something else that I have noticed, and I wonder if other transsexuals feel this way. For as long as I can remember, I have gone through mood swings. For instance, this past Saturday, I got really moody! There was nothing that provoked it, I just got moody. I have often stated that I have the body of a man with the internal makeup of a woman. You think I might have a little hormone imbalance? I am curious to see if this happens on a regular interval.
Monday, November 14, 2011
One (wo)man's trash/ Friday afternoon / Pink Fog
One (wo)man's trash
Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was good, and it sure started off great! On Thursday evening, a family friend needed someone to take some bags of trash to the local dumpster. I volunteered, knowing that I would be driving by some dumpsters on the way into work Friday morning. As I put the bags in my car, I noticed that they felt a lot like clothes. Curiousity got the best of me, and I tore open one of the bags to see. Am I ever glad I did! Have you ever heard the saying "one (wo)mans trash is another (wo)man's treasure?" The bags were full of size 16-18/XL womens clothing! Guess what size I wear?!? Come to find out, she has been on Weight Watchers for about a year now and has gone from the sizes in the bags to a 10-12. As an incentive to keep the weight off, she got rid of her extensive wardrobe of 16-18 clothes. Needless to say, the bags never found the dumpster. I now have 5 trash bags full of dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, jeans, sweaters, and any other clothes you can think of.
Friday afternoon
On Friday afternoon, I left work a little early and had some time to spare. I decided that I would dress in a fuschia shirtdress that had caught my eye in one of the bags of clothes. I had a pair of Liz Baker 2 1/2" heel black patent pumps in my trunk, so I figured I would wear those with the dress. I still had my panties and hose on from that morning, and my bra with breastforms and my purse with my makeup were in the trunk. I quickly got changed and applied my makeup so I could spend some more Janet time before I had to go home. As I got out of the car to check out the outfit, I noticed that my shoes were OK with the dress, but that a pair of flats or low wedges would look better. I had been eyeing a pair of CL by Chinese Laundry black patent 1 1/2" wedge heel shoes that I spotted at Ross Dress for Less for $15. The sweater I was wearing over the shirtdress has applique flowers on it, and the shoes have a flower bow on the vamp. As I was already dressed, I decided what the heck and went into the store. I found the shoes in my size, went to the cashier, and paid for them. Now please understand, I am the type of transsexual that is not comfortable going up to cashiers to pay for items. I will either go to places that have self checkouts, or I will wait until I am in drab to buy the items. This time I decided to go for it. The lady cashier was nice and polite and did not even act put off by me. I could tell by her facial expression that she read me as soon as I walked up, but she did not act any differently because of my presentation. My confidence is building! As for the shoes, I put them on as soon as I got to the car. What a purchase! They worked perfectly with the outfit.
Pink Fog
I have previously mentioned that I frequent the www.crossdressers.com website. I love the conversations I have had with the ladies on there, and have to go on there at least once a day to see what the girls are doing. There is one thing that gets under my skin- that is "pink fog." Some people on the site talk about how if we girls have a great day and feel like everything went right, that we have been affected by the "pink fog" that blinds our reality and makes crossdressing appear to be the most important thing in our lives. I don't see it. When I have a great day out and I am enfemme, it is not a great day because I am oblivious to everything else or because I am dressing to act as a woman, but because I am aware of my surroundings and have succeeded in blending with society as a woman. Maybe it is a crossdresser vs. transsexual thing. Going out in public is not an act for me. It is me dressing as I feel I should be dressed. I do not feel I should be out and about in man jeans and a man polo shirt. Me dressing as a man is an act that I continue to put on because the gender I was given at birth was male. Unfortunately my genetic code gave me this cursed appendage, along with wide shoulders, large trunk, flat chest, and a double chin. Sorry I am ranting. As a transsexual, everything but my body is female. My emotions, my desires, my actions are all female. I am sorry if this puts some of you off, but it is how I feel. I am trapped in this terrible body, and have been trying to get out for 34 of my 40 years!
I will not be dressing this week until Friday due to circumstances beyond my control [ :-( ], but will hopefully have lots to talk about after Friday. I might post some blogs this week about things in my past, but I haven't really decided yet. Until then, have a blessed week!
Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was good, and it sure started off great! On Thursday evening, a family friend needed someone to take some bags of trash to the local dumpster. I volunteered, knowing that I would be driving by some dumpsters on the way into work Friday morning. As I put the bags in my car, I noticed that they felt a lot like clothes. Curiousity got the best of me, and I tore open one of the bags to see. Am I ever glad I did! Have you ever heard the saying "one (wo)mans trash is another (wo)man's treasure?" The bags were full of size 16-18/XL womens clothing! Guess what size I wear?!? Come to find out, she has been on Weight Watchers for about a year now and has gone from the sizes in the bags to a 10-12. As an incentive to keep the weight off, she got rid of her extensive wardrobe of 16-18 clothes. Needless to say, the bags never found the dumpster. I now have 5 trash bags full of dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, jeans, sweaters, and any other clothes you can think of.
Friday afternoon
On Friday afternoon, I left work a little early and had some time to spare. I decided that I would dress in a fuschia shirtdress that had caught my eye in one of the bags of clothes. I had a pair of Liz Baker 2 1/2" heel black patent pumps in my trunk, so I figured I would wear those with the dress. I still had my panties and hose on from that morning, and my bra with breastforms and my purse with my makeup were in the trunk. I quickly got changed and applied my makeup so I could spend some more Janet time before I had to go home. As I got out of the car to check out the outfit, I noticed that my shoes were OK with the dress, but that a pair of flats or low wedges would look better. I had been eyeing a pair of CL by Chinese Laundry black patent 1 1/2" wedge heel shoes that I spotted at Ross Dress for Less for $15. The sweater I was wearing over the shirtdress has applique flowers on it, and the shoes have a flower bow on the vamp. As I was already dressed, I decided what the heck and went into the store. I found the shoes in my size, went to the cashier, and paid for them. Now please understand, I am the type of transsexual that is not comfortable going up to cashiers to pay for items. I will either go to places that have self checkouts, or I will wait until I am in drab to buy the items. This time I decided to go for it. The lady cashier was nice and polite and did not even act put off by me. I could tell by her facial expression that she read me as soon as I walked up, but she did not act any differently because of my presentation. My confidence is building! As for the shoes, I put them on as soon as I got to the car. What a purchase! They worked perfectly with the outfit.
Pink Fog
I have previously mentioned that I frequent the www.crossdressers.com website. I love the conversations I have had with the ladies on there, and have to go on there at least once a day to see what the girls are doing. There is one thing that gets under my skin- that is "pink fog." Some people on the site talk about how if we girls have a great day and feel like everything went right, that we have been affected by the "pink fog" that blinds our reality and makes crossdressing appear to be the most important thing in our lives. I don't see it. When I have a great day out and I am enfemme, it is not a great day because I am oblivious to everything else or because I am dressing to act as a woman, but because I am aware of my surroundings and have succeeded in blending with society as a woman. Maybe it is a crossdresser vs. transsexual thing. Going out in public is not an act for me. It is me dressing as I feel I should be dressed. I do not feel I should be out and about in man jeans and a man polo shirt. Me dressing as a man is an act that I continue to put on because the gender I was given at birth was male. Unfortunately my genetic code gave me this cursed appendage, along with wide shoulders, large trunk, flat chest, and a double chin. Sorry I am ranting. As a transsexual, everything but my body is female. My emotions, my desires, my actions are all female. I am sorry if this puts some of you off, but it is how I feel. I am trapped in this terrible body, and have been trying to get out for 34 of my 40 years!
I will not be dressing this week until Friday due to circumstances beyond my control [ :-( ], but will hopefully have lots to talk about after Friday. I might post some blogs this week about things in my past, but I haven't really decided yet. Until then, have a blessed week!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Happy Veterans Day
Happy Veterans Day to all of the soldiers who have served in our Armed Forces! My humble thanks to all who have served. It is because of you that I live in a country that allows me to freely express my preferred gender. I am forever greatful.
In honor of this day, I decided to wear a red, white, and blue outfit!
In honor of this day, I decided to wear a red, white, and blue outfit!
I did not have a lot of time this morning so I could not go everywhere I wanted to go. I went into Tom Thumb to look for something to snack on for breakfast. I could not find anything appetizing so I went to Kroger. I found some donuts and water for breakfast, made my purchase, and headed to the post office. I completely forgot that the post office is closed for Veterans Day, but luckily the one I go to has an automated stamp machine. After purchasing stamps and mailing my letter, I headed to the car wash to change into my drab clothes and go into work. Nothing to talk about after that. Just a boring drive into work in drab.
One thing that I have really noticed (and I made reference to it on my last blog) is how most people do not pay attention to you as long as you do not try to make waves. I was in the stores in 4 inch heels and no one gave me a second glance. I have a theory about that. My theory is that these stores get women in them all the time dressed like I was. They are going to work or coming home from work, and have to stop at the store to pick up some things along the way. Since I was in those stores at roughly the same time some women go in to work, I was not out of place. I did not avoid people, went in, got what I was looking for, paid for it, and left. As long as crossdressers act like they are supposed to be there and are doing nothing suspicious (like avoiding employees at those places--been there, done that), we blend in quite nicely.
My next blog will be next week, as I plan on doing some serious dressing on Monday, Wednesday, and especially Friday.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Personal Realizations
As my first official blog (the one from earlier is basically an introduction), I wanted to discuss some personal realizations I have discovered during my years as a transgendered person.
I have been dressing as Janet since I was 6 years old. It began with my Mom's heels at 6.
Realizations at 6
1. Mom's heels are comfy
Next it was her pantyhose and heels at around 8
Realizations at 8
3. Pantyhose feel so smooth and luxurious when I wear them.
4. Mom sure does dress nice.
Then it was her underwear, pantyhose, clothes, and heels at around 13.
Realizations at 13
5. I would rather dress as a woman than a man.
6. Secretaries wear very nice, comfortable dresses (Mom was a secretary).
8. Black goes with anything.
Unfortunately, it was also at this time that I started to outgrow Mom's clothes and shoes. Over the next few years, I had to resort to finding other women I encountered that were larger than my Mom and "borrow" their clothes. Luckily, the neighbor's daughter (who was 10 years older than me) and a couple of our neighbors fit the bill.
Realizations at 15
9. Female flight attendants wear the prettiest navy outfits and heels.
11. Accessorizing with belts and jewelry completes the outfit.
12. High heels aren't THAT hard to walk in.
This continued until I started driving and working at 17 and could afford to go to the store and purchase my own items. Unfortunately I came to a couple realizations at that point that actually hurt me for a few years.
Realizations at 17
13. Mom was very nosy and loved to search my room, my car, and every other location she could think of to find my stash and get rid of it.
14. Telling the sales associates that the items I was buying were for my mom or girlfriend kept my secret safe.
This continued until I turned 21 and moved into my apartment. My roommate was a beautiful woman that is the same age as me and was my exact same size. I was also spending more time driving around dressed, and started wearing a wig.
Realizations at 21
15. Sleeping in womens underwear is a liberating experience.
16. Having your own room in your own apartment lends itself to massive freedom to dress and experiment in seclusion.
17. Goodwill is a great place to pick up nice gently used clothing at a very reasonable price.
Fast forward to 26. It was then that I decided the time was right to go all the way with my dressing. I started wearing breast forms (cheap ones made of knee highs and birdseed) and makeup. I started paying attention to how I looked in an attempt to pass as Janet.
Realizations at 26
18. Makeup is not that hard to apply.
19. Storage buildings are excellent places to keep your clothes so nosy family members, roommates, girlfriends, and eventually wives do not find them.
20. The storage buildings are also great places to get dressed and undressed.
21. When driving, very few people pay attention to who is driving next to them.
Unfortunately, I spent the next 8 years driving around at night, never getting out of my car, and hiding from the rest of the world. Then the unthinkable happened. I got brave. I decided to step out and walk around the mall. At 34 I came to the realizations that have probably made the most impact on me.
Realizations at 34
22. You will not get arrested for walking around the mall in womens clothing.
23. Going out in public as Janet is an exhilarating experience and beats the hell out of my male persona.
24. Coin operated car washes and park bathrooms make great places to get changed into and out of clothes.
25. Most cashiers don't care who you are buying the clothes for.
That brings us to this past year.
Realizations at 39/40
26. The expensive shoes are expensive for a reason and it is more than because of the name.
27. The majority of people you see in public that you don't know don't care if you dress as a man, woman, dog, or the Easter Bunny. They are so caught up in their own lives that they do not care about yours.
28. Most cashiers and sales associates want your business and will not do anything to drive you away.
29. If you let your feminine instincts take over and stop thinking about walking, you walk more fluidly and your feet don't hurt as much.
30. Being called "Ma'am" is the ultimate vindication.
I have been dressing as Janet since I was 6 years old. It began with my Mom's heels at 6.
Realizations at 6
1. Mom's heels are comfy
Image courtesy Photobucket
2. Heels make a neat sound when you walk on a tile floor
Image courtesy Photobucket
Next it was her pantyhose and heels at around 8
Realizations at 8
3. Pantyhose feel so smooth and luxurious when I wear them.
4. Mom sure does dress nice.
Image courtesy Photobucket
Then it was her underwear, pantyhose, clothes, and heels at around 13.
Realizations at 13
5. I would rather dress as a woman than a man.
6. Secretaries wear very nice, comfortable dresses (Mom was a secretary).
Image courtesy Photobucket
7. Shoes feel so much better with pantyhose on your feet (tried with and without-like with better).
Unfortunately, it was also at this time that I started to outgrow Mom's clothes and shoes. Over the next few years, I had to resort to finding other women I encountered that were larger than my Mom and "borrow" their clothes. Luckily, the neighbor's daughter (who was 10 years older than me) and a couple of our neighbors fit the bill.
Realizations at 15
9. Female flight attendants wear the prettiest navy outfits and heels.
Images courtesy Photobucket
10. Black patent is sexy and is my main turn-on (so starts the trend that continues today-60% of my shoes are BP).
This continued until I started driving and working at 17 and could afford to go to the store and purchase my own items. Unfortunately I came to a couple realizations at that point that actually hurt me for a few years.
Realizations at 17
13. Mom was very nosy and loved to search my room, my car, and every other location she could think of to find my stash and get rid of it.
14. Telling the sales associates that the items I was buying were for my mom or girlfriend kept my secret safe.
This continued until I turned 21 and moved into my apartment. My roommate was a beautiful woman that is the same age as me and was my exact same size. I was also spending more time driving around dressed, and started wearing a wig.
Realizations at 21
15. Sleeping in womens underwear is a liberating experience.
16. Having your own room in your own apartment lends itself to massive freedom to dress and experiment in seclusion.
17. Goodwill is a great place to pick up nice gently used clothing at a very reasonable price.
Fast forward to 26. It was then that I decided the time was right to go all the way with my dressing. I started wearing breast forms (cheap ones made of knee highs and birdseed) and makeup. I started paying attention to how I looked in an attempt to pass as Janet.
Realizations at 26
18. Makeup is not that hard to apply.
19. Storage buildings are excellent places to keep your clothes so nosy family members, roommates, girlfriends, and eventually wives do not find them.
20. The storage buildings are also great places to get dressed and undressed.
21. When driving, very few people pay attention to who is driving next to them.
Unfortunately, I spent the next 8 years driving around at night, never getting out of my car, and hiding from the rest of the world. Then the unthinkable happened. I got brave. I decided to step out and walk around the mall. At 34 I came to the realizations that have probably made the most impact on me.
Realizations at 34
22. You will not get arrested for walking around the mall in womens clothing.
23. Going out in public as Janet is an exhilarating experience and beats the hell out of my male persona.
24. Coin operated car washes and park bathrooms make great places to get changed into and out of clothes.
25. Most cashiers don't care who you are buying the clothes for.
That brings us to this past year.
Realizations at 39/40
26. The expensive shoes are expensive for a reason and it is more than because of the name.
28. Most cashiers and sales associates want your business and will not do anything to drive you away.
29. If you let your feminine instincts take over and stop thinking about walking, you walk more fluidly and your feet don't hurt as much.
30. Being called "Ma'am" is the ultimate vindication.
Greetings from Texas
Hi everyone! My name is Janet. I am a lifelong male to female transgendered lady living in Texas. I created this blog to hopefully help other transgenders out there who have struggled with their identity and with other issues. A few ground rules to begin.
1. I am a MTF Transgender. If the whole subject of transgenderism grosses you out, please do not continue to follow this blog. Eventually there will be pictures and discussions about men dressing as women and going out in public. If you are offended by this subject, I suggest you search again.
2. Cyberbullying and harassment of any sort will not be tolerated. Any posts that harass transgenders or any other member of the LGBT community (including their significant others) will be immediately deleted and the violator removed from the blog. NO EXCEPTIONS.
3. Anyone is welcome to follow my blog, and much like an equal opportunity employer I will not restrict access to anyone based on their race, color, religion, national origin, creed, or sexual orientation.
First off, as I mentioned before, I am a male to female transgender. I was born a man but prefer to publicly appear as a woman as often as I am able. In a future blog (or possibly series of blogs), I will discuss how I started down this road to personal freedom.
For now, I will concentrate on my reasons for posting.
I have struggled for years with the knowledge that I was somehow different from everyone else. Male clothes do not impress me, and I would much rather wear womens clothing. I enjoy everything about the clothes I wear. I love the colors, the feel, the fit, and how the clothes look. From reading posts on a crossdresser website (www.crossdressers.com) I have discovered that I am not the only one. Therefore, I decided that I needed to blog about the trials and tribulations (and triumphs) of being a 40 year old transgender. This is not an easy task. I only have one friend that knows my secret. She has been my friend for almost 20 years and accepts me for who I am. I am happily married and have been since 2001, but my wife does not accept this part of me. We have adopted a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" process for dealing with my transsexualism. She does not ask if I am dressing, and I do not tell. This has been a very difficult part of my life to deal with. I am aware from readings on the previously mentioned website that there are others that are going through the same situation. This blog is meant to offer help and support for others going through this situation, while also giving fellow transgenders a sounding board.
A few things about me:
As I mentioned earlier, I am a 40 year old transgender from Texas. You may notice that I do not call myself a crossdresser or a transvestite. The three terms generally have the same meaning (a person adopting the appearance of the gender opposite of their birth gender), but I feel transgender describes me better than the other two. I am not offended by the other two, and have no problems being called them as well.
When I am by myself out of the house, 99% of the time I am wearing female undergarments. I also try to fully dress (lingerie, pantyhose, clothes, shoes, wig, jewelry, makeup, and nails) at least twice to three times a week on the way into work. I schedule time off from work several times a year to spend full days dressed.
When I am dressed, I do things and go places that I would normally go. For instance, on the way into work I will go to a grocery store to buy breakfast or purchase my lunch for that day. If I need gas, I will stop at the gas station and fill my tank.
A few questions that always come up:
Are you gay? No, I am not. I am attracted to females and always will be. There are transgenders that are gay. I have no problems whatsoever with that. I do not have issues with any members of the LGBT community and welcome their gender and sexual preferences.
Do you want to be a woman? A tricky question that most transgenders have trouble with. If I were younger and did not have the responsibilities I currently have, then I would probably go through the Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS). It is very expensive and participants go through a long, gruelling procedure. The other downside is that you alienate most of the people currently in your life. My parents and family do not know, and I would probably lose contact with the majority of them if I were to change my gender.
How do you act when you are out in public? Like any lady would.
That is it for my (extremely long :-)) introductory blog. I will post more as I am able.
Janet
1. I am a MTF Transgender. If the whole subject of transgenderism grosses you out, please do not continue to follow this blog. Eventually there will be pictures and discussions about men dressing as women and going out in public. If you are offended by this subject, I suggest you search again.
2. Cyberbullying and harassment of any sort will not be tolerated. Any posts that harass transgenders or any other member of the LGBT community (including their significant others) will be immediately deleted and the violator removed from the blog. NO EXCEPTIONS.
3. Anyone is welcome to follow my blog, and much like an equal opportunity employer I will not restrict access to anyone based on their race, color, religion, national origin, creed, or sexual orientation.
First off, as I mentioned before, I am a male to female transgender. I was born a man but prefer to publicly appear as a woman as often as I am able. In a future blog (or possibly series of blogs), I will discuss how I started down this road to personal freedom.
For now, I will concentrate on my reasons for posting.
I have struggled for years with the knowledge that I was somehow different from everyone else. Male clothes do not impress me, and I would much rather wear womens clothing. I enjoy everything about the clothes I wear. I love the colors, the feel, the fit, and how the clothes look. From reading posts on a crossdresser website (www.crossdressers.com) I have discovered that I am not the only one. Therefore, I decided that I needed to blog about the trials and tribulations (and triumphs) of being a 40 year old transgender. This is not an easy task. I only have one friend that knows my secret. She has been my friend for almost 20 years and accepts me for who I am. I am happily married and have been since 2001, but my wife does not accept this part of me. We have adopted a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" process for dealing with my transsexualism. She does not ask if I am dressing, and I do not tell. This has been a very difficult part of my life to deal with. I am aware from readings on the previously mentioned website that there are others that are going through the same situation. This blog is meant to offer help and support for others going through this situation, while also giving fellow transgenders a sounding board.
A few things about me:
As I mentioned earlier, I am a 40 year old transgender from Texas. You may notice that I do not call myself a crossdresser or a transvestite. The three terms generally have the same meaning (a person adopting the appearance of the gender opposite of their birth gender), but I feel transgender describes me better than the other two. I am not offended by the other two, and have no problems being called them as well.
When I am by myself out of the house, 99% of the time I am wearing female undergarments. I also try to fully dress (lingerie, pantyhose, clothes, shoes, wig, jewelry, makeup, and nails) at least twice to three times a week on the way into work. I schedule time off from work several times a year to spend full days dressed.
When I am dressed, I do things and go places that I would normally go. For instance, on the way into work I will go to a grocery store to buy breakfast or purchase my lunch for that day. If I need gas, I will stop at the gas station and fill my tank.
A few questions that always come up:
Are you gay? No, I am not. I am attracted to females and always will be. There are transgenders that are gay. I have no problems whatsoever with that. I do not have issues with any members of the LGBT community and welcome their gender and sexual preferences.
Do you want to be a woman? A tricky question that most transgenders have trouble with. If I were younger and did not have the responsibilities I currently have, then I would probably go through the Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS). It is very expensive and participants go through a long, gruelling procedure. The other downside is that you alienate most of the people currently in your life. My parents and family do not know, and I would probably lose contact with the majority of them if I were to change my gender.
How do you act when you are out in public? Like any lady would.
That is it for my (extremely long :-)) introductory blog. I will post more as I am able.
Janet
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