Happy Tuesday to all of you. I hope you are having a blessed day.
My second blog was in regards to different realizations that I have come to at different times in my life. As I sit here in front of my computer here at work, I am contemplating the changes that I have gone through in the past six years. You see, seven years ago I was WAY closeted. I did not wear makeup, I had a cheap halloween wig for my hair, and I resorted to only going out when it was dark so I was less noticed. My stops were to pay at the pump gas stations and parks. I did not venture out into any area where there were people. I was scared.
Then, six years ago I decided that I needed to take the next step. I took the plunge and ordered a good wig from wigs.com. I started experimenting with makeup. Lord knows I looked like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show at first, but with a little practice I started to get the knack of it. For the biggest change, I started to go out places. I started off going to the mall. As a scared little baby, I would walk in, make a lap around the entrance section of the mall (making sure to keep my distance from everyone), and leave. I would sit in my car for at least 15 - 20 minutes before I would go in, making sure that I got up enough nerve to do it.
Little by little, I started to get braver. Instead of sitting in the car talking myself out of chickening out, I parked, turned off the car, and walked in. I started staying there for a while. I started window shopping and actually walking into stores. If people smiled at me, I smiled back. Unfortunately, I still was too scared to interact with cashiers and sales associates.
A year ago something happened that changed my outlook forever. I was in Ross Dress for Less and saw a great looking dress that I could not live without. I was dressed as Janet, so I had two choices. Either I could leave and come back the following day in drab and take a chance the dress would be gone, or I could adopt the "I don't care" attitude that my friend Meg talks about and go up to the cashier to buy my dress. I chose the latter. I walked up to the gentleman, smiled and said "Hi," and waited for him to ring up my purchase. I paid for the purchase, received my change and my bag, and left the store. Nothing bad happened to me. The tranny police didn't stop me at the door and ask me to remove my wig and breast forms, there were no announcements of "There's a tranny in the store," and no one made me feel the least bit uncomfortable. Sure there were a few people that took double takes, but for the most part everyone just minded their own business.
The moral of the story is this:
Do not worry what others think. For the most part you will never see them again. If they work in an establishment you are shopping at, they want your money, regardless of the clothes you are wearing. Just get out there and shop!
There is something else that I have noticed, and I wonder if other transsexuals feel this way. For as long as I can remember, I have gone through mood swings. For instance, this past Saturday, I got really moody! There was nothing that provoked it, I just got moody. I have often stated that I have the body of a man with the internal makeup of a woman. You think I might have a little hormone imbalance? I am curious to see if this happens on a regular interval.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
One (wo)man's trash/ Friday afternoon / Pink Fog
One (wo)man's trash
Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was good, and it sure started off great! On Thursday evening, a family friend needed someone to take some bags of trash to the local dumpster. I volunteered, knowing that I would be driving by some dumpsters on the way into work Friday morning. As I put the bags in my car, I noticed that they felt a lot like clothes. Curiousity got the best of me, and I tore open one of the bags to see. Am I ever glad I did! Have you ever heard the saying "one (wo)mans trash is another (wo)man's treasure?" The bags were full of size 16-18/XL womens clothing! Guess what size I wear?!? Come to find out, she has been on Weight Watchers for about a year now and has gone from the sizes in the bags to a 10-12. As an incentive to keep the weight off, she got rid of her extensive wardrobe of 16-18 clothes. Needless to say, the bags never found the dumpster. I now have 5 trash bags full of dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, jeans, sweaters, and any other clothes you can think of.
Friday afternoon
On Friday afternoon, I left work a little early and had some time to spare. I decided that I would dress in a fuschia shirtdress that had caught my eye in one of the bags of clothes. I had a pair of Liz Baker 2 1/2" heel black patent pumps in my trunk, so I figured I would wear those with the dress. I still had my panties and hose on from that morning, and my bra with breastforms and my purse with my makeup were in the trunk. I quickly got changed and applied my makeup so I could spend some more Janet time before I had to go home. As I got out of the car to check out the outfit, I noticed that my shoes were OK with the dress, but that a pair of flats or low wedges would look better. I had been eyeing a pair of CL by Chinese Laundry black patent 1 1/2" wedge heel shoes that I spotted at Ross Dress for Less for $15. The sweater I was wearing over the shirtdress has applique flowers on it, and the shoes have a flower bow on the vamp. As I was already dressed, I decided what the heck and went into the store. I found the shoes in my size, went to the cashier, and paid for them. Now please understand, I am the type of transsexual that is not comfortable going up to cashiers to pay for items. I will either go to places that have self checkouts, or I will wait until I am in drab to buy the items. This time I decided to go for it. The lady cashier was nice and polite and did not even act put off by me. I could tell by her facial expression that she read me as soon as I walked up, but she did not act any differently because of my presentation. My confidence is building! As for the shoes, I put them on as soon as I got to the car. What a purchase! They worked perfectly with the outfit.
Pink Fog
I have previously mentioned that I frequent the www.crossdressers.com website. I love the conversations I have had with the ladies on there, and have to go on there at least once a day to see what the girls are doing. There is one thing that gets under my skin- that is "pink fog." Some people on the site talk about how if we girls have a great day and feel like everything went right, that we have been affected by the "pink fog" that blinds our reality and makes crossdressing appear to be the most important thing in our lives. I don't see it. When I have a great day out and I am enfemme, it is not a great day because I am oblivious to everything else or because I am dressing to act as a woman, but because I am aware of my surroundings and have succeeded in blending with society as a woman. Maybe it is a crossdresser vs. transsexual thing. Going out in public is not an act for me. It is me dressing as I feel I should be dressed. I do not feel I should be out and about in man jeans and a man polo shirt. Me dressing as a man is an act that I continue to put on because the gender I was given at birth was male. Unfortunately my genetic code gave me this cursed appendage, along with wide shoulders, large trunk, flat chest, and a double chin. Sorry I am ranting. As a transsexual, everything but my body is female. My emotions, my desires, my actions are all female. I am sorry if this puts some of you off, but it is how I feel. I am trapped in this terrible body, and have been trying to get out for 34 of my 40 years!
I will not be dressing this week until Friday due to circumstances beyond my control [ :-( ], but will hopefully have lots to talk about after Friday. I might post some blogs this week about things in my past, but I haven't really decided yet. Until then, have a blessed week!
Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was good, and it sure started off great! On Thursday evening, a family friend needed someone to take some bags of trash to the local dumpster. I volunteered, knowing that I would be driving by some dumpsters on the way into work Friday morning. As I put the bags in my car, I noticed that they felt a lot like clothes. Curiousity got the best of me, and I tore open one of the bags to see. Am I ever glad I did! Have you ever heard the saying "one (wo)mans trash is another (wo)man's treasure?" The bags were full of size 16-18/XL womens clothing! Guess what size I wear?!? Come to find out, she has been on Weight Watchers for about a year now and has gone from the sizes in the bags to a 10-12. As an incentive to keep the weight off, she got rid of her extensive wardrobe of 16-18 clothes. Needless to say, the bags never found the dumpster. I now have 5 trash bags full of dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, jeans, sweaters, and any other clothes you can think of.
Friday afternoon
On Friday afternoon, I left work a little early and had some time to spare. I decided that I would dress in a fuschia shirtdress that had caught my eye in one of the bags of clothes. I had a pair of Liz Baker 2 1/2" heel black patent pumps in my trunk, so I figured I would wear those with the dress. I still had my panties and hose on from that morning, and my bra with breastforms and my purse with my makeup were in the trunk. I quickly got changed and applied my makeup so I could spend some more Janet time before I had to go home. As I got out of the car to check out the outfit, I noticed that my shoes were OK with the dress, but that a pair of flats or low wedges would look better. I had been eyeing a pair of CL by Chinese Laundry black patent 1 1/2" wedge heel shoes that I spotted at Ross Dress for Less for $15. The sweater I was wearing over the shirtdress has applique flowers on it, and the shoes have a flower bow on the vamp. As I was already dressed, I decided what the heck and went into the store. I found the shoes in my size, went to the cashier, and paid for them. Now please understand, I am the type of transsexual that is not comfortable going up to cashiers to pay for items. I will either go to places that have self checkouts, or I will wait until I am in drab to buy the items. This time I decided to go for it. The lady cashier was nice and polite and did not even act put off by me. I could tell by her facial expression that she read me as soon as I walked up, but she did not act any differently because of my presentation. My confidence is building! As for the shoes, I put them on as soon as I got to the car. What a purchase! They worked perfectly with the outfit.
Pink Fog
I have previously mentioned that I frequent the www.crossdressers.com website. I love the conversations I have had with the ladies on there, and have to go on there at least once a day to see what the girls are doing. There is one thing that gets under my skin- that is "pink fog." Some people on the site talk about how if we girls have a great day and feel like everything went right, that we have been affected by the "pink fog" that blinds our reality and makes crossdressing appear to be the most important thing in our lives. I don't see it. When I have a great day out and I am enfemme, it is not a great day because I am oblivious to everything else or because I am dressing to act as a woman, but because I am aware of my surroundings and have succeeded in blending with society as a woman. Maybe it is a crossdresser vs. transsexual thing. Going out in public is not an act for me. It is me dressing as I feel I should be dressed. I do not feel I should be out and about in man jeans and a man polo shirt. Me dressing as a man is an act that I continue to put on because the gender I was given at birth was male. Unfortunately my genetic code gave me this cursed appendage, along with wide shoulders, large trunk, flat chest, and a double chin. Sorry I am ranting. As a transsexual, everything but my body is female. My emotions, my desires, my actions are all female. I am sorry if this puts some of you off, but it is how I feel. I am trapped in this terrible body, and have been trying to get out for 34 of my 40 years!
I will not be dressing this week until Friday due to circumstances beyond my control [ :-( ], but will hopefully have lots to talk about after Friday. I might post some blogs this week about things in my past, but I haven't really decided yet. Until then, have a blessed week!
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