I have read several posts on other LGBT blogs that discuss the differences between transgendered people and crossdressers, and truthfully, I don't fit completely into either. I am a man that dresses in womens clothing when I have the chance and 90% of the time am underdressed. That would make me a crossdresser.
But stop the presses. I also have the emotions and feelings typically attributed to the female gender, and feel that I am a woman stuck in a man's body. Nothing makes me feel more like myself than spending all day in panties, pantyhose, a bra, a nice woman's outfit, heels, and makeup and wig, partaking the day as a woman. That would make me a transgendered person. Current circumstances have dictated that I cannot present full-time as a woman, but if I could, I would. There is just too much at stake.
So where does that leave me? Because I feel that my physical makeup is not what it should be, I am transgendered. Yes, I do present as a man when the need arises. I work on cars, I fix the house, I mow the lawns, etc.., but the whole time I wish I was doing it while presenting myself as Janet. I wish I was doing those things with my wig in a ponytail, wearing capris, a knit t-shirt, and canvas shoes or ballet flats, worrying about breaking one of my french manicured nails.
To ask the question again: Where does that leave me? The answer is in a constant state of turmoil.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thought for Tuesday & Tip #1 - 3
As I was driving into work today, I had an idea for my next blog. I have read tons of articles describing the differences between men and women. One difference that I have come across several times is that the authors assume that women are calmer and more forgiving behind the wheel. As I was cut off by a woman in an SUV for the fifth time in thirty minutes, I had to question that logic. While posing the question, a blonde haired beauty in a Lexus roared by me in the left lane, swerving in and out of traffic like she was on a slalom ski course.
Here is my point: quit worrying about doing everything like a woman. The more you try to ensure all of your mannerisms are feminine, the more those mannerisms will appear rehearsed and fake. Think of drag queens. All of their mannerisms are overstated, and it is obvious they are playing a part. Are we playing a part or trying to be ourselves? I know when I am presenting as Janet, I am doing all things as the woman that I am. I just do what comes natural to me, and do not worry if it is inherently masculine or feminine.
When I was at the casino last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to watch ladies as they played the slots. The majority did not sit like prim and proper ladies with their legs crossed at the knees and their hands gently crossed on their laps. They sat any way they felt comfortable. That should tell us something. If we are not comfortable, how can we properly present as our femme personas? We can't.
Tip#1
So I am going to offer this first tip for those CD/TG MTF ladies out there who are starting out and might be concerned about presenting or passing in public:
Relax! GGs (genetic girls) walk in different styles, talk with different resonance, sit in different ways, have different mannerisms, and generally act differently from one another.
Now, this is not to say that we should all go out there in mini-skirts sitting with our legs wide open, grabbing our crotches while we are burping and farting uncontrollably, but try to make your bodily movements seem as natural as possible. An uncomfortable person, whether male or female, will show their comfort level through their body movements. It draws attention to you and makes people who normally would not give you a second glance pay closer attention to you. And that is when most people get read.
Tip#2
Have fun! Nothing pushes people away more than a frown. I understand that some of us do not want to interact with others when we are en femme because of voice or other issues, but how are we going to make the world understand that we are normal unless we start acting normally? If a salesperson comes up to you, do not brush them away. Talk to them. You will be amazed how much assistance you can get with wardrobe and makeup tips when you talk to others. Find places such as Dress Barn and Sephora that are CD friendly and give it a whirl!
Tip#3
Dress appropriately! This may sound basic, but it is true. How many times do you see a woman in a cocktail dress and 4 inch heels shopping for groceries at 10 o'clock at night? I will assume never. If you are going to a nice dinner with friends at an appropriate location, the cocktail dress and heels are appropriate. Or maybe if you are going to a wedding or a formal party. Here are my ideas for everyday wear that will allow you to fit in while still looking nice.
During the week:
Businesswomen do go shopping before and after work and at lunch. Wear a skirtsuit or pantsuit with three to four inch heels, moderate makeup, and basic jewelry from 6AM to 6PM. If you are going to do a lot of shopping with tons of walking, I would suggest shorter heels.
After 6PM, most women have changed into casual attire. If you go out for normal errands after 6, change into jeans or capris with a nice knit shirt and flats or low heel wedges. As this is my blog, I will state my #1 pet peeve--flip flops. Flip flops are NOT a fashion statement and are not appropriate except for places that serve fruity drinks with umbrellas in them while the sand covers your feet as you walk. Nothing turns me away more than a lady with a nice dress or other nice outfit wearing flip flops. Janet does not own a pair and never will. My male persona has a pair but restricts their use to around the house.
Weekend:
In the summertime, a pair of shorts or a light skirt and a t and canvas shoes or ballerina flats works well with minimal makeup and jewelry during the day with a sleeveless or cap sleeve sundress and flats or dress sandals for nighttime wear.
In the spring and fall, replace the shorts with capris and add a thin cardigan for the daytime. For the nighttime depending on where you are going, a dress with hose and high heels or jeans with a silk blouse and low heels work well.
For winter, jeans or leggings tucked into boots (low heeled during the day, high heeled at night) with a big sweater is the way to go.
I am by no means a fashion expert, but these are the types of outfits I have found blend easier than extravagant ones.
Well, that is all for today's blog. I will add more tips as I find ones that I feel I should share.
Until later, keep your hose run-free and your wigs unmatted!
Janet
Here is my point: quit worrying about doing everything like a woman. The more you try to ensure all of your mannerisms are feminine, the more those mannerisms will appear rehearsed and fake. Think of drag queens. All of their mannerisms are overstated, and it is obvious they are playing a part. Are we playing a part or trying to be ourselves? I know when I am presenting as Janet, I am doing all things as the woman that I am. I just do what comes natural to me, and do not worry if it is inherently masculine or feminine.
When I was at the casino last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to watch ladies as they played the slots. The majority did not sit like prim and proper ladies with their legs crossed at the knees and their hands gently crossed on their laps. They sat any way they felt comfortable. That should tell us something. If we are not comfortable, how can we properly present as our femme personas? We can't.
Tip#1
So I am going to offer this first tip for those CD/TG MTF ladies out there who are starting out and might be concerned about presenting or passing in public:
Relax! GGs (genetic girls) walk in different styles, talk with different resonance, sit in different ways, have different mannerisms, and generally act differently from one another.
Now, this is not to say that we should all go out there in mini-skirts sitting with our legs wide open, grabbing our crotches while we are burping and farting uncontrollably, but try to make your bodily movements seem as natural as possible. An uncomfortable person, whether male or female, will show their comfort level through their body movements. It draws attention to you and makes people who normally would not give you a second glance pay closer attention to you. And that is when most people get read.
Tip#2
Have fun! Nothing pushes people away more than a frown. I understand that some of us do not want to interact with others when we are en femme because of voice or other issues, but how are we going to make the world understand that we are normal unless we start acting normally? If a salesperson comes up to you, do not brush them away. Talk to them. You will be amazed how much assistance you can get with wardrobe and makeup tips when you talk to others. Find places such as Dress Barn and Sephora that are CD friendly and give it a whirl!
Tip#3
Dress appropriately! This may sound basic, but it is true. How many times do you see a woman in a cocktail dress and 4 inch heels shopping for groceries at 10 o'clock at night? I will assume never. If you are going to a nice dinner with friends at an appropriate location, the cocktail dress and heels are appropriate. Or maybe if you are going to a wedding or a formal party. Here are my ideas for everyday wear that will allow you to fit in while still looking nice.
During the week:
Businesswomen do go shopping before and after work and at lunch. Wear a skirtsuit or pantsuit with three to four inch heels, moderate makeup, and basic jewelry from 6AM to 6PM. If you are going to do a lot of shopping with tons of walking, I would suggest shorter heels.
After 6PM, most women have changed into casual attire. If you go out for normal errands after 6, change into jeans or capris with a nice knit shirt and flats or low heel wedges. As this is my blog, I will state my #1 pet peeve--flip flops. Flip flops are NOT a fashion statement and are not appropriate except for places that serve fruity drinks with umbrellas in them while the sand covers your feet as you walk. Nothing turns me away more than a lady with a nice dress or other nice outfit wearing flip flops. Janet does not own a pair and never will. My male persona has a pair but restricts their use to around the house.
Weekend:
In the summertime, a pair of shorts or a light skirt and a t and canvas shoes or ballerina flats works well with minimal makeup and jewelry during the day with a sleeveless or cap sleeve sundress and flats or dress sandals for nighttime wear.
In the spring and fall, replace the shorts with capris and add a thin cardigan for the daytime. For the nighttime depending on where you are going, a dress with hose and high heels or jeans with a silk blouse and low heels work well.
For winter, jeans or leggings tucked into boots (low heeled during the day, high heeled at night) with a big sweater is the way to go.
Well, that is all for today's blog. I will add more tips as I find ones that I feel I should share.
Until later, keep your hose run-free and your wigs unmatted!
Janet
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday Blog
Hello all. It has been a while since I have posted so I figured I needed to post an update. I have spent a couple full days dressed over the past two weeks, and both have been glorious experiences, although one resulted in a major reading.
First Full Day: Friday the 18th
I have neglected my closet (aka my storage building) for some time now, and with the receipt of the bags of clothes I mentioned in a previous post I needed to get the space organized. I left early that morning and arrived at the storage area at 6:30AM. I dressed in jeans, 3/4 sleeve knit shirt, hose, and low heeled pumps, with my full makeup, nails, and wig. A little overdressed for cleaning out a storage building, but I sure looked good doing it! By about 2PM I was starting to get hungry, and I was out of hangers. I stuffed what I had left to organize in my shed, and headed to the local WalMart. I walked in, grabbed a Lunchable and some hangers, and made my way to the self checkouts. Unfortunately, there were no empty lanes, so I had to wait. As I stood there in line, I watched everyone around me. It was amazing to watch how many times someone glanced my way and then went about their tasks. Finally it was my turn to check out. I scanned my items, paid for them, and walked out. No one even acknowledged I was there, and I am kinda glad!
The rest of the day way fairly uneventful, as I went back to storage, changed into my drab clothes, and went home. On to the eventful day!
Second Full Day: Wednesday the 23rd
I have wanted to get an ID card with my femme picture on it for sometime to assist me when I go to clubs, or if I am asked for it while writing a check or using my checkcard. As I was off on Wednesday for Thanksgiving holiday and the wife had to work, I decided that would be the perfect day to go. For my outfit, I decided to dress business casual, wearing my black slacks, blue long sleeve knit shirt with a thin black patent belt, tan pantyhose, and black patent 2"wedge heel pumps with a bow on the vamp.
I live in Collin County in Texas, so there are only a few places I can go to get the identification card. Either I can go to Plano, or to McKinney. Part of my family lives in Plano, so I chose to go to McKinney to avaoid running into relatives. After making sure that my hair and makeup were acceptable, I headed to McKinney. I pulled into the driveway of the DMV and noticed that there were not many cars there. I got out and headed to the door, only to find it barricaded with a note stating that it had moved to a different location. As I sat in my car, I contemplated what I should do next. I was set on finding the new driver's license location when an idea struck me. Where I live is only about 1 1/4 hours from the casinos in Oklahoma. I decided now would be as good a time as any to try my luck presenting at a casino as Janet. I headed north on US 75 to Durant, OK, got there at about 10:30AM, and entered the casino. I spent two hours in the casino. I did not interact with anyone but did catch the glances of several people while I was walking around. I had absolutely no trouble at all in there and highly recommend that any North Texas or Oklahoma girls that read this make the trip. It is worth it to reaffirm the notion that most people do not care how you are dressed and will not give you a second thought. I plan on going to Tulsa the first part of January and will definitely make a point of stopping at the casino again on my way up there. Hopefully I won't blow any money that time.
My confidence was exploding after that. I have recently purchased a Speaking as a Woman CD and have been practicing as much as possible, so I decided to go to McDonalds drive through to try it out. Being called Ma'am over the speaker was heavenly. I paid for my food and drove home. That is when I experienced the only letdown of the whole entire day. I had to go to the restroom, so I decided to stop at a Kroger on the way to storage. When I was walking to the restroom, an elderly lady glanced at me and could not stop staring. I had been read. It is something I have grown to expect, but usually the people give a second look followed by a smile or a look of disbelief and then move on. This lady actually stared. It was a very uneasy feeling. I see now why so many ladies feel so awkward when men stare at them. Because of that situation, I made it to the restroom, did my business, and went to storage to change. All in all, it was a wonderful time spent doing what I love.
First Full Day: Friday the 18th
I have neglected my closet (aka my storage building) for some time now, and with the receipt of the bags of clothes I mentioned in a previous post I needed to get the space organized. I left early that morning and arrived at the storage area at 6:30AM. I dressed in jeans, 3/4 sleeve knit shirt, hose, and low heeled pumps, with my full makeup, nails, and wig. A little overdressed for cleaning out a storage building, but I sure looked good doing it! By about 2PM I was starting to get hungry, and I was out of hangers. I stuffed what I had left to organize in my shed, and headed to the local WalMart. I walked in, grabbed a Lunchable and some hangers, and made my way to the self checkouts. Unfortunately, there were no empty lanes, so I had to wait. As I stood there in line, I watched everyone around me. It was amazing to watch how many times someone glanced my way and then went about their tasks. Finally it was my turn to check out. I scanned my items, paid for them, and walked out. No one even acknowledged I was there, and I am kinda glad!
The rest of the day way fairly uneventful, as I went back to storage, changed into my drab clothes, and went home. On to the eventful day!
Second Full Day: Wednesday the 23rd
I have wanted to get an ID card with my femme picture on it for sometime to assist me when I go to clubs, or if I am asked for it while writing a check or using my checkcard. As I was off on Wednesday for Thanksgiving holiday and the wife had to work, I decided that would be the perfect day to go. For my outfit, I decided to dress business casual, wearing my black slacks, blue long sleeve knit shirt with a thin black patent belt, tan pantyhose, and black patent 2"wedge heel pumps with a bow on the vamp.
I live in Collin County in Texas, so there are only a few places I can go to get the identification card. Either I can go to Plano, or to McKinney. Part of my family lives in Plano, so I chose to go to McKinney to avaoid running into relatives. After making sure that my hair and makeup were acceptable, I headed to McKinney. I pulled into the driveway of the DMV and noticed that there were not many cars there. I got out and headed to the door, only to find it barricaded with a note stating that it had moved to a different location. As I sat in my car, I contemplated what I should do next. I was set on finding the new driver's license location when an idea struck me. Where I live is only about 1 1/4 hours from the casinos in Oklahoma. I decided now would be as good a time as any to try my luck presenting at a casino as Janet. I headed north on US 75 to Durant, OK, got there at about 10:30AM, and entered the casino. I spent two hours in the casino. I did not interact with anyone but did catch the glances of several people while I was walking around. I had absolutely no trouble at all in there and highly recommend that any North Texas or Oklahoma girls that read this make the trip. It is worth it to reaffirm the notion that most people do not care how you are dressed and will not give you a second thought. I plan on going to Tulsa the first part of January and will definitely make a point of stopping at the casino again on my way up there. Hopefully I won't blow any money that time.
My confidence was exploding after that. I have recently purchased a Speaking as a Woman CD and have been practicing as much as possible, so I decided to go to McDonalds drive through to try it out. Being called Ma'am over the speaker was heavenly. I paid for my food and drove home. That is when I experienced the only letdown of the whole entire day. I had to go to the restroom, so I decided to stop at a Kroger on the way to storage. When I was walking to the restroom, an elderly lady glanced at me and could not stop staring. I had been read. It is something I have grown to expect, but usually the people give a second look followed by a smile or a look of disbelief and then move on. This lady actually stared. It was a very uneasy feeling. I see now why so many ladies feel so awkward when men stare at them. Because of that situation, I made it to the restroom, did my business, and went to storage to change. All in all, it was a wonderful time spent doing what I love.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Tuesday Thoughts
Happy Tuesday to all of you. I hope you are having a blessed day.
My second blog was in regards to different realizations that I have come to at different times in my life. As I sit here in front of my computer here at work, I am contemplating the changes that I have gone through in the past six years. You see, seven years ago I was WAY closeted. I did not wear makeup, I had a cheap halloween wig for my hair, and I resorted to only going out when it was dark so I was less noticed. My stops were to pay at the pump gas stations and parks. I did not venture out into any area where there were people. I was scared.
Then, six years ago I decided that I needed to take the next step. I took the plunge and ordered a good wig from wigs.com. I started experimenting with makeup. Lord knows I looked like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show at first, but with a little practice I started to get the knack of it. For the biggest change, I started to go out places. I started off going to the mall. As a scared little baby, I would walk in, make a lap around the entrance section of the mall (making sure to keep my distance from everyone), and leave. I would sit in my car for at least 15 - 20 minutes before I would go in, making sure that I got up enough nerve to do it.
Little by little, I started to get braver. Instead of sitting in the car talking myself out of chickening out, I parked, turned off the car, and walked in. I started staying there for a while. I started window shopping and actually walking into stores. If people smiled at me, I smiled back. Unfortunately, I still was too scared to interact with cashiers and sales associates.
A year ago something happened that changed my outlook forever. I was in Ross Dress for Less and saw a great looking dress that I could not live without. I was dressed as Janet, so I had two choices. Either I could leave and come back the following day in drab and take a chance the dress would be gone, or I could adopt the "I don't care" attitude that my friend Meg talks about and go up to the cashier to buy my dress. I chose the latter. I walked up to the gentleman, smiled and said "Hi," and waited for him to ring up my purchase. I paid for the purchase, received my change and my bag, and left the store. Nothing bad happened to me. The tranny police didn't stop me at the door and ask me to remove my wig and breast forms, there were no announcements of "There's a tranny in the store," and no one made me feel the least bit uncomfortable. Sure there were a few people that took double takes, but for the most part everyone just minded their own business.
The moral of the story is this:
Do not worry what others think. For the most part you will never see them again. If they work in an establishment you are shopping at, they want your money, regardless of the clothes you are wearing. Just get out there and shop!
There is something else that I have noticed, and I wonder if other transsexuals feel this way. For as long as I can remember, I have gone through mood swings. For instance, this past Saturday, I got really moody! There was nothing that provoked it, I just got moody. I have often stated that I have the body of a man with the internal makeup of a woman. You think I might have a little hormone imbalance? I am curious to see if this happens on a regular interval.
My second blog was in regards to different realizations that I have come to at different times in my life. As I sit here in front of my computer here at work, I am contemplating the changes that I have gone through in the past six years. You see, seven years ago I was WAY closeted. I did not wear makeup, I had a cheap halloween wig for my hair, and I resorted to only going out when it was dark so I was less noticed. My stops were to pay at the pump gas stations and parks. I did not venture out into any area where there were people. I was scared.
Then, six years ago I decided that I needed to take the next step. I took the plunge and ordered a good wig from wigs.com. I started experimenting with makeup. Lord knows I looked like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show at first, but with a little practice I started to get the knack of it. For the biggest change, I started to go out places. I started off going to the mall. As a scared little baby, I would walk in, make a lap around the entrance section of the mall (making sure to keep my distance from everyone), and leave. I would sit in my car for at least 15 - 20 minutes before I would go in, making sure that I got up enough nerve to do it.
Little by little, I started to get braver. Instead of sitting in the car talking myself out of chickening out, I parked, turned off the car, and walked in. I started staying there for a while. I started window shopping and actually walking into stores. If people smiled at me, I smiled back. Unfortunately, I still was too scared to interact with cashiers and sales associates.
A year ago something happened that changed my outlook forever. I was in Ross Dress for Less and saw a great looking dress that I could not live without. I was dressed as Janet, so I had two choices. Either I could leave and come back the following day in drab and take a chance the dress would be gone, or I could adopt the "I don't care" attitude that my friend Meg talks about and go up to the cashier to buy my dress. I chose the latter. I walked up to the gentleman, smiled and said "Hi," and waited for him to ring up my purchase. I paid for the purchase, received my change and my bag, and left the store. Nothing bad happened to me. The tranny police didn't stop me at the door and ask me to remove my wig and breast forms, there were no announcements of "There's a tranny in the store," and no one made me feel the least bit uncomfortable. Sure there were a few people that took double takes, but for the most part everyone just minded their own business.
The moral of the story is this:
Do not worry what others think. For the most part you will never see them again. If they work in an establishment you are shopping at, they want your money, regardless of the clothes you are wearing. Just get out there and shop!
There is something else that I have noticed, and I wonder if other transsexuals feel this way. For as long as I can remember, I have gone through mood swings. For instance, this past Saturday, I got really moody! There was nothing that provoked it, I just got moody. I have often stated that I have the body of a man with the internal makeup of a woman. You think I might have a little hormone imbalance? I am curious to see if this happens on a regular interval.
Monday, November 14, 2011
One (wo)man's trash/ Friday afternoon / Pink Fog
One (wo)man's trash
Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was good, and it sure started off great! On Thursday evening, a family friend needed someone to take some bags of trash to the local dumpster. I volunteered, knowing that I would be driving by some dumpsters on the way into work Friday morning. As I put the bags in my car, I noticed that they felt a lot like clothes. Curiousity got the best of me, and I tore open one of the bags to see. Am I ever glad I did! Have you ever heard the saying "one (wo)mans trash is another (wo)man's treasure?" The bags were full of size 16-18/XL womens clothing! Guess what size I wear?!? Come to find out, she has been on Weight Watchers for about a year now and has gone from the sizes in the bags to a 10-12. As an incentive to keep the weight off, she got rid of her extensive wardrobe of 16-18 clothes. Needless to say, the bags never found the dumpster. I now have 5 trash bags full of dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, jeans, sweaters, and any other clothes you can think of.
Friday afternoon
On Friday afternoon, I left work a little early and had some time to spare. I decided that I would dress in a fuschia shirtdress that had caught my eye in one of the bags of clothes. I had a pair of Liz Baker 2 1/2" heel black patent pumps in my trunk, so I figured I would wear those with the dress. I still had my panties and hose on from that morning, and my bra with breastforms and my purse with my makeup were in the trunk. I quickly got changed and applied my makeup so I could spend some more Janet time before I had to go home. As I got out of the car to check out the outfit, I noticed that my shoes were OK with the dress, but that a pair of flats or low wedges would look better. I had been eyeing a pair of CL by Chinese Laundry black patent 1 1/2" wedge heel shoes that I spotted at Ross Dress for Less for $15. The sweater I was wearing over the shirtdress has applique flowers on it, and the shoes have a flower bow on the vamp. As I was already dressed, I decided what the heck and went into the store. I found the shoes in my size, went to the cashier, and paid for them. Now please understand, I am the type of transsexual that is not comfortable going up to cashiers to pay for items. I will either go to places that have self checkouts, or I will wait until I am in drab to buy the items. This time I decided to go for it. The lady cashier was nice and polite and did not even act put off by me. I could tell by her facial expression that she read me as soon as I walked up, but she did not act any differently because of my presentation. My confidence is building! As for the shoes, I put them on as soon as I got to the car. What a purchase! They worked perfectly with the outfit.
Pink Fog
I have previously mentioned that I frequent the www.crossdressers.com website. I love the conversations I have had with the ladies on there, and have to go on there at least once a day to see what the girls are doing. There is one thing that gets under my skin- that is "pink fog." Some people on the site talk about how if we girls have a great day and feel like everything went right, that we have been affected by the "pink fog" that blinds our reality and makes crossdressing appear to be the most important thing in our lives. I don't see it. When I have a great day out and I am enfemme, it is not a great day because I am oblivious to everything else or because I am dressing to act as a woman, but because I am aware of my surroundings and have succeeded in blending with society as a woman. Maybe it is a crossdresser vs. transsexual thing. Going out in public is not an act for me. It is me dressing as I feel I should be dressed. I do not feel I should be out and about in man jeans and a man polo shirt. Me dressing as a man is an act that I continue to put on because the gender I was given at birth was male. Unfortunately my genetic code gave me this cursed appendage, along with wide shoulders, large trunk, flat chest, and a double chin. Sorry I am ranting. As a transsexual, everything but my body is female. My emotions, my desires, my actions are all female. I am sorry if this puts some of you off, but it is how I feel. I am trapped in this terrible body, and have been trying to get out for 34 of my 40 years!
I will not be dressing this week until Friday due to circumstances beyond my control [ :-( ], but will hopefully have lots to talk about after Friday. I might post some blogs this week about things in my past, but I haven't really decided yet. Until then, have a blessed week!
Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was good, and it sure started off great! On Thursday evening, a family friend needed someone to take some bags of trash to the local dumpster. I volunteered, knowing that I would be driving by some dumpsters on the way into work Friday morning. As I put the bags in my car, I noticed that they felt a lot like clothes. Curiousity got the best of me, and I tore open one of the bags to see. Am I ever glad I did! Have you ever heard the saying "one (wo)mans trash is another (wo)man's treasure?" The bags were full of size 16-18/XL womens clothing! Guess what size I wear?!? Come to find out, she has been on Weight Watchers for about a year now and has gone from the sizes in the bags to a 10-12. As an incentive to keep the weight off, she got rid of her extensive wardrobe of 16-18 clothes. Needless to say, the bags never found the dumpster. I now have 5 trash bags full of dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, jeans, sweaters, and any other clothes you can think of.
Friday afternoon
On Friday afternoon, I left work a little early and had some time to spare. I decided that I would dress in a fuschia shirtdress that had caught my eye in one of the bags of clothes. I had a pair of Liz Baker 2 1/2" heel black patent pumps in my trunk, so I figured I would wear those with the dress. I still had my panties and hose on from that morning, and my bra with breastforms and my purse with my makeup were in the trunk. I quickly got changed and applied my makeup so I could spend some more Janet time before I had to go home. As I got out of the car to check out the outfit, I noticed that my shoes were OK with the dress, but that a pair of flats or low wedges would look better. I had been eyeing a pair of CL by Chinese Laundry black patent 1 1/2" wedge heel shoes that I spotted at Ross Dress for Less for $15. The sweater I was wearing over the shirtdress has applique flowers on it, and the shoes have a flower bow on the vamp. As I was already dressed, I decided what the heck and went into the store. I found the shoes in my size, went to the cashier, and paid for them. Now please understand, I am the type of transsexual that is not comfortable going up to cashiers to pay for items. I will either go to places that have self checkouts, or I will wait until I am in drab to buy the items. This time I decided to go for it. The lady cashier was nice and polite and did not even act put off by me. I could tell by her facial expression that she read me as soon as I walked up, but she did not act any differently because of my presentation. My confidence is building! As for the shoes, I put them on as soon as I got to the car. What a purchase! They worked perfectly with the outfit.
Pink Fog
I have previously mentioned that I frequent the www.crossdressers.com website. I love the conversations I have had with the ladies on there, and have to go on there at least once a day to see what the girls are doing. There is one thing that gets under my skin- that is "pink fog." Some people on the site talk about how if we girls have a great day and feel like everything went right, that we have been affected by the "pink fog" that blinds our reality and makes crossdressing appear to be the most important thing in our lives. I don't see it. When I have a great day out and I am enfemme, it is not a great day because I am oblivious to everything else or because I am dressing to act as a woman, but because I am aware of my surroundings and have succeeded in blending with society as a woman. Maybe it is a crossdresser vs. transsexual thing. Going out in public is not an act for me. It is me dressing as I feel I should be dressed. I do not feel I should be out and about in man jeans and a man polo shirt. Me dressing as a man is an act that I continue to put on because the gender I was given at birth was male. Unfortunately my genetic code gave me this cursed appendage, along with wide shoulders, large trunk, flat chest, and a double chin. Sorry I am ranting. As a transsexual, everything but my body is female. My emotions, my desires, my actions are all female. I am sorry if this puts some of you off, but it is how I feel. I am trapped in this terrible body, and have been trying to get out for 34 of my 40 years!
I will not be dressing this week until Friday due to circumstances beyond my control [ :-( ], but will hopefully have lots to talk about after Friday. I might post some blogs this week about things in my past, but I haven't really decided yet. Until then, have a blessed week!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Happy Veterans Day
Happy Veterans Day to all of the soldiers who have served in our Armed Forces! My humble thanks to all who have served. It is because of you that I live in a country that allows me to freely express my preferred gender. I am forever greatful.
In honor of this day, I decided to wear a red, white, and blue outfit!
In honor of this day, I decided to wear a red, white, and blue outfit!
I did not have a lot of time this morning so I could not go everywhere I wanted to go. I went into Tom Thumb to look for something to snack on for breakfast. I could not find anything appetizing so I went to Kroger. I found some donuts and water for breakfast, made my purchase, and headed to the post office. I completely forgot that the post office is closed for Veterans Day, but luckily the one I go to has an automated stamp machine. After purchasing stamps and mailing my letter, I headed to the car wash to change into my drab clothes and go into work. Nothing to talk about after that. Just a boring drive into work in drab.
One thing that I have really noticed (and I made reference to it on my last blog) is how most people do not pay attention to you as long as you do not try to make waves. I was in the stores in 4 inch heels and no one gave me a second glance. I have a theory about that. My theory is that these stores get women in them all the time dressed like I was. They are going to work or coming home from work, and have to stop at the store to pick up some things along the way. Since I was in those stores at roughly the same time some women go in to work, I was not out of place. I did not avoid people, went in, got what I was looking for, paid for it, and left. As long as crossdressers act like they are supposed to be there and are doing nothing suspicious (like avoiding employees at those places--been there, done that), we blend in quite nicely.
My next blog will be next week, as I plan on doing some serious dressing on Monday, Wednesday, and especially Friday.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Personal Realizations
As my first official blog (the one from earlier is basically an introduction), I wanted to discuss some personal realizations I have discovered during my years as a transgendered person.
I have been dressing as Janet since I was 6 years old. It began with my Mom's heels at 6.
Realizations at 6
1. Mom's heels are comfy
Next it was her pantyhose and heels at around 8
Realizations at 8
3. Pantyhose feel so smooth and luxurious when I wear them.
4. Mom sure does dress nice.
Then it was her underwear, pantyhose, clothes, and heels at around 13.
Realizations at 13
5. I would rather dress as a woman than a man.
6. Secretaries wear very nice, comfortable dresses (Mom was a secretary).
8. Black goes with anything.
Unfortunately, it was also at this time that I started to outgrow Mom's clothes and shoes. Over the next few years, I had to resort to finding other women I encountered that were larger than my Mom and "borrow" their clothes. Luckily, the neighbor's daughter (who was 10 years older than me) and a couple of our neighbors fit the bill.
Realizations at 15
9. Female flight attendants wear the prettiest navy outfits and heels.
11. Accessorizing with belts and jewelry completes the outfit.
12. High heels aren't THAT hard to walk in.
This continued until I started driving and working at 17 and could afford to go to the store and purchase my own items. Unfortunately I came to a couple realizations at that point that actually hurt me for a few years.
Realizations at 17
13. Mom was very nosy and loved to search my room, my car, and every other location she could think of to find my stash and get rid of it.
14. Telling the sales associates that the items I was buying were for my mom or girlfriend kept my secret safe.
This continued until I turned 21 and moved into my apartment. My roommate was a beautiful woman that is the same age as me and was my exact same size. I was also spending more time driving around dressed, and started wearing a wig.
Realizations at 21
15. Sleeping in womens underwear is a liberating experience.
16. Having your own room in your own apartment lends itself to massive freedom to dress and experiment in seclusion.
17. Goodwill is a great place to pick up nice gently used clothing at a very reasonable price.
Fast forward to 26. It was then that I decided the time was right to go all the way with my dressing. I started wearing breast forms (cheap ones made of knee highs and birdseed) and makeup. I started paying attention to how I looked in an attempt to pass as Janet.
Realizations at 26
18. Makeup is not that hard to apply.
19. Storage buildings are excellent places to keep your clothes so nosy family members, roommates, girlfriends, and eventually wives do not find them.
20. The storage buildings are also great places to get dressed and undressed.
21. When driving, very few people pay attention to who is driving next to them.
Unfortunately, I spent the next 8 years driving around at night, never getting out of my car, and hiding from the rest of the world. Then the unthinkable happened. I got brave. I decided to step out and walk around the mall. At 34 I came to the realizations that have probably made the most impact on me.
Realizations at 34
22. You will not get arrested for walking around the mall in womens clothing.
23. Going out in public as Janet is an exhilarating experience and beats the hell out of my male persona.
24. Coin operated car washes and park bathrooms make great places to get changed into and out of clothes.
25. Most cashiers don't care who you are buying the clothes for.
That brings us to this past year.
Realizations at 39/40
26. The expensive shoes are expensive for a reason and it is more than because of the name.
27. The majority of people you see in public that you don't know don't care if you dress as a man, woman, dog, or the Easter Bunny. They are so caught up in their own lives that they do not care about yours.
28. Most cashiers and sales associates want your business and will not do anything to drive you away.
29. If you let your feminine instincts take over and stop thinking about walking, you walk more fluidly and your feet don't hurt as much.
30. Being called "Ma'am" is the ultimate vindication.
I have been dressing as Janet since I was 6 years old. It began with my Mom's heels at 6.
Realizations at 6
1. Mom's heels are comfy
Image courtesy Photobucket
2. Heels make a neat sound when you walk on a tile floor
Image courtesy Photobucket
Next it was her pantyhose and heels at around 8
Realizations at 8
3. Pantyhose feel so smooth and luxurious when I wear them.
4. Mom sure does dress nice.
Image courtesy Photobucket
Then it was her underwear, pantyhose, clothes, and heels at around 13.
Realizations at 13
5. I would rather dress as a woman than a man.
6. Secretaries wear very nice, comfortable dresses (Mom was a secretary).
Image courtesy Photobucket
7. Shoes feel so much better with pantyhose on your feet (tried with and without-like with better).
Unfortunately, it was also at this time that I started to outgrow Mom's clothes and shoes. Over the next few years, I had to resort to finding other women I encountered that were larger than my Mom and "borrow" their clothes. Luckily, the neighbor's daughter (who was 10 years older than me) and a couple of our neighbors fit the bill.
Realizations at 15
9. Female flight attendants wear the prettiest navy outfits and heels.
Images courtesy Photobucket
10. Black patent is sexy and is my main turn-on (so starts the trend that continues today-60% of my shoes are BP).
This continued until I started driving and working at 17 and could afford to go to the store and purchase my own items. Unfortunately I came to a couple realizations at that point that actually hurt me for a few years.
Realizations at 17
13. Mom was very nosy and loved to search my room, my car, and every other location she could think of to find my stash and get rid of it.
14. Telling the sales associates that the items I was buying were for my mom or girlfriend kept my secret safe.
This continued until I turned 21 and moved into my apartment. My roommate was a beautiful woman that is the same age as me and was my exact same size. I was also spending more time driving around dressed, and started wearing a wig.
Realizations at 21
15. Sleeping in womens underwear is a liberating experience.
16. Having your own room in your own apartment lends itself to massive freedom to dress and experiment in seclusion.
17. Goodwill is a great place to pick up nice gently used clothing at a very reasonable price.
Fast forward to 26. It was then that I decided the time was right to go all the way with my dressing. I started wearing breast forms (cheap ones made of knee highs and birdseed) and makeup. I started paying attention to how I looked in an attempt to pass as Janet.
Realizations at 26
18. Makeup is not that hard to apply.
19. Storage buildings are excellent places to keep your clothes so nosy family members, roommates, girlfriends, and eventually wives do not find them.
20. The storage buildings are also great places to get dressed and undressed.
21. When driving, very few people pay attention to who is driving next to them.
Unfortunately, I spent the next 8 years driving around at night, never getting out of my car, and hiding from the rest of the world. Then the unthinkable happened. I got brave. I decided to step out and walk around the mall. At 34 I came to the realizations that have probably made the most impact on me.
Realizations at 34
22. You will not get arrested for walking around the mall in womens clothing.
23. Going out in public as Janet is an exhilarating experience and beats the hell out of my male persona.
24. Coin operated car washes and park bathrooms make great places to get changed into and out of clothes.
25. Most cashiers don't care who you are buying the clothes for.
That brings us to this past year.
Realizations at 39/40
26. The expensive shoes are expensive for a reason and it is more than because of the name.
28. Most cashiers and sales associates want your business and will not do anything to drive you away.
29. If you let your feminine instincts take over and stop thinking about walking, you walk more fluidly and your feet don't hurt as much.
30. Being called "Ma'am" is the ultimate vindication.
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