One month....really????

Oh my, how a month does change things! First off I cannot believe it has been a month since my last blog. So much has happened since that blog!
For starters, I left my last blog hanging. The following day after I returned from Tulsa I had requested a day off so I decided to spend the entire day dressed. I bowl on Monday nights so I was gone the majority of the day. I left the house at about 7am and headed to storage to get dressed. As I was dressing, I could not help but think about the fact that I returned from Choctaw the previous day without losing any money. Since it was Monday (which is traditionally one of the best days to go to the casinos) I decided to head north and try my luck again. Let's just say that the two pairs of shoes I fell in love with the previous day were bought that day. I won $40, which was enough to buy the shoes. A happy ending to an otherwise disappointing (in a CD sense) trip.
The high heels

And the Kitten Heels

Now on to what I have been doing for the past month: daily dressing!!
The only days I have not dressed since I have been home from Tulsa are Saturdays and Sundays.
I have dressed every week day in the morning for the drive into work. My opinion is that two hours are better than none! A few of the highlights:

 

 

To say that I have had fun would be an understatement! I have dressed every weekday and these 14 are just a small representation. I have worn the same pair of shoes only once and have not duplicated a complete outfit. Some have been way more comfortable than others!

Soapbox time!!

Along with this recent flurry of dressing every morning has come a revised sense of woman. Yes, I know that I was not born as a woman, but I sure got here as quick as I could. I have gotten to the point now where I really don't care what strangers think. When I am out and about en femme, I am me. I am not a dude trying to look like a woman, I am Janet. The clothes, makeup, wig, everything is the persona I most identify with, and is how I prefer to dress. Honestly, the clothes I wear in guy mode are an act. If I could, I would be Janet 24/7. When I think, I think as Janet. When I speak to people, it is as Janet (without the woman's voice when I am in drab, of course). My emotions are Janet's. My evil male temper comes out on occasion, but that is because of that wonderful testosterone. Some people might disagree with what I am saying, but it is my opinion of what my life is all about. When you take away all of the BS, I am a woman who was born with the wrong body parts and physique and because of societal constraints have been forced for 40 years and counting to live by a set of rules that I do not agree with. We can choose the profession we want to pursue. We can choose the people we want to be around. Why can't we choose the gender we want to convey to the world without fear of ridicule? I would have chosen Janet a LONG time ago. Picture this: a group of children walk into the auditorium when they reach a certain age. The purpose of the meeting? To decide if they want to stay the gender they were born as or start the gender reassignment procedure. If they choose the change, a permission slip is sent home to Mom and Dad. LOL--this is all toungue in cheek, of course. Everyone knows this wouldn't happen. 

What brings this up? I do not like my male self. I do not feel attractive as a male. As a female, I feel pretty. It feels natural and NORMAL. As I have been dressing this past month, I have realized what I really want. I have dressed every work day. During that stretch, I have been sick twice and this week have been fighting a hip injury that I got bowling Monday night. I did not skip dressing a single day. My thoughts? If I am going to work, I am going to dress. Sometimes I stop in at the local store for items I need. If I need gas, I stop at the station. But most of the time I just drive to my changing place before work. It might seem like a waste of time and makeup to some, but I must dress every morning. I hate using "real women" analogies, but in this case I feel the need. If a GG (genetic girl) has to go to work and she does not feel well, she does not stray from the required dress code. Why should I? My self imposed dress code is business casual Monday through Thursday and casual on Fridays. I do not stray from that. This morning I wore a dress, pantyhose, and heels. Tomorrow will be casual.

Another thing that brought this up is my Flickr page. Yes, I have a Flickr page. I have my profile listed as Female. That is how I identify myself. There is no implied deception or any other trickery or tomfoolery, I just see myself as female. The intro is spot-on. I do not show my face in those pictures because I do not want my identity known to the public. Not yet, at least.

Well, that is all for now. Sorry it took so long and sorry for the long soapbox.

Janet 

The best laid plans...

Thank you to Robert Burns for the wonderful line "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley" in his poem To A Mouse (1786). The loose translation "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" is the perfect description of my trip to Tulsa.
I should have known things weren't going to turn out right when my plans changed from the get-go. I was originally planning on waiting until my wife left for work, dressing, putting on my makeup and nails, and heading due north to Tulsa. Well, that didn't go as planned as she was feeling ill that morning and the threat of her returning to the house hastened my departure. I hurriedly dressed in my clothes for the trip and left without putting on my makeup and nails. I had everything already in my car but because of my premature departure, I had to go to my storage building to finish preparing. That delayed my trip by over an hour and put me in a hurry to get ready. I was wearing my black slacks with my beige and black cap sleeve blouse and black blazer. I also had on black pantyhose and my black patent cross strap heels. Sorry, no pictures! I actually looked OK, but the rush to get out of town left me in a funk. The funk got even worse when I crossed the Oklahoma border. I was planning on stopping at Choctaw on the way up there to try and increase my cash, but as soon as I crossed into Oklahoma, the rain started. Knowing that the rain would delay my arrival even more, I decided to forego the casino and head to Tulsa.
I got into Tulsa at about 2PM and decided to go check in at the motel. I stopped at the local car wash and removed my nails and makeup, put my tennis shoes on instead of my heels, put a hoodie on over my blouse, and checked in. Since the event I was attending wasn't until 5PM and was only about 10 miles from the hotel, I decided to get everything unpacked and put up before I left. Big mistake!
When I returned to the hotel that night, I could not help but notice that this wasn't the best part of town and that the hotel was directly in the flight path for planes taking off from Tulsa International Airport. Needless to say, I got very little sleep that night.
The next day, I met up with a couple of my friends and spent a few hours with them. They were staying at the Embassy Suites and had a pull out couch. They asked me to cancel my reservation and take over the pull out. This was a hard decision for me, because they do not know about Janet and staying with them meant no more Janet for the rest of the week. I ultimately decided that my safety was more important than dressing, repacked all my stuff (therein lies the reason for the previous "big mistake" comment), loaded up my car, and headed to the Embassy Suites.
That put the nix on any dressing until Sunday for the return trip home. I stopped at a car wash on the way, dressed in my green, blue, and purple colorblock dress, tan pantyhose, and navy patent high heel pumps, and headed home. Remember the quote at the beginning of the blog? The whole trip ended up being that way.
Halfway through the trip, I was drinking my soda and spilled half of it all down the front of my dress, soaking my dress and hose. I stopped at a rest stop, cleaned up, put on a new pair of hose, changed into my black jeans and blue oversized sweater with the same navy patent heels, and continued towards town. Because I had to change, I was still confident, but not as confident as I wanted to be. I decided to stop into Choctaw on the way home to try my luck and boost my confidence a little.
I forgot it was Sunday, and as I pulled into the parking garage I realized I might have made a mistake. How wrong I was! Anyhow, I changed into my black patent 2 1/2" heel pumps that are much easier to walk long distances in and walked inside. That is when all of my confidence issues changed. I was in the casino for an hour. I was not read, I was not bothered, and I ended up with the same amount I started with. I was SO glad I did that, because it was a huge morale booster.
After Choctaw, I decided to stop into a strip mall in a city north of Dallas to do some shopping. Another game changer! I stopped into the Rack Room shoes to see if they had any shoes I liked. Did they ever! They had a pair of black patent peep toe stiletto heels and a pair of black patent low kitten heel slingbacks that I fell in love with. I had to have them. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough money, so I left without buying them. Not to fret--this story has a happy ending that I will get into---tomorrow!!
The fingers are exhausted after this post, so until tomorrow--have a great day!

Today's Post, part two

I almost forgot! Me and my wife were watching Grease last night (don't judge--I love Olivia!) and I couldn't help but notice the ladies' fashions. It starts with Sandy's white short sleeve blouse and yellow calf length skirt with white low heel pumps in the Summer Lovin' segment, to Rizzo's red strappy pumps and tight red with black polka dot dress, Sandy's white strapless dress and white peep toe heels, and Marty's emerald green dress with silver pumps in the dance-off, and even Sandy's drop dead gorgeous skin tight black outfit (I would have picked a different pair of shoes) at the end of the movie. All of the ladies had great outfits throughout the movie! I even loved the sweaters and long skirts with bobby socks and canvas shoes! Very nice!

Happy (Belated) New Year!

Hello all! Happy New Year to all of my friends out there. Sorry it's 8 days late!

Since I have already outlined my goals for 2012 in my previous post, I will take the time to go into what has been going on the past few weeks since I have neglected my blogger duties for a while.
Due to financial constraints and lack of free time, I have been unable to dress for a few weeks. This has been a struggle for me as I REALLY want to dress as much as possible. This dry spell ends tomorrow morning! As I have stated in several of my previous posts, I am taking a trip to Tulsa for six days. I leave tomorrow morning and plan to be dressed most of those six days. I am getting completely dressed after my wife leaves for work and heading down the road. I will hopefully leave the house at around 9 or 10 (depending on how long shaving and makeup takes) and will get to Tulsa (with potty break and casino stops) if everything goes right at around 4 or 5 tomorrow afternoon. I already have the outfit planned out. I will be wearing a tan cap sleeve top with my black slacks, a black blazer, black pantyhose, and my black patent 4" heel Jessica Simpson pumps. I figure why not start out my vacation with my favorite pumps! It is supposed to be 50 degrees, windy, and rainy in Oklahoma tomorrow, hence the choice of slacks over a dress or skirt. My original choice was the dress in one of my previous posts with the purple patterned top and black skirt, but that would probably stick out. I will be sticking out enough with my heels, so I don't need any other red flags. I might end up with my black patent x-strap 2 1/2" heel pumps instead, since I will be doing quite a bit of walking. The only thing is, my Jessica's are SO NICE and look so sexy! I will at least start out the day in my Jessicas. The rest of the outfit is set in stone. Less than 24 hours from now, Janet will make a full scale assault on North Texas and Eastern Oklahoma! Updates are forthcoming with pictures!!

Goals for 2012

Hello all. As 2011 comes to a close, I wanted to put into writing a few goals I have as Janet for 2012. These are in no particular order.
1. Spend one full week en femme.
2. Get some actual breast forms to replace my birdseed/pantyhose forms.
3. Lose 37 more pounds to fit in my size 16 dresses.
4. Spend even more time out and about.
5. Have a meal at a sit down restuarant.
6. Go to a formal occasion that requires an evening gown.
7. Go to the movies.
8. Come out to at least one more person.
Some of these are lofty goals that might take some work to accomplish, but others should be fairly simple. Numbers 1 and 7 can both be accomplished while I am in Tulsa week after next. If I am feeling ultra confident, so can #5. The formal occasion (#6) will probably be a ball with Dallas GEAR or NT Gender groups. The breast forms (#2) will probably be sometime in the spring when I get enough money (I want good ones that will last). Numbers 3 & 4 are attainable, but I will have to work at both. Number 8 will probably be my best friend from elementary school that I have been friends with forever, but maybe not. I will have to weigh the options.
I think this will probably be my last post until after the New Year, so Happy New Year to everyone and please please please stay safe and don't drink and drive this weekend. I want to see everyone safe and sound in 2012!
Janet

2011 in review--the good, the bad, and the ugly :-)

After reading Stana's blog at Femulate, I figured I needed to create a blog recapping the past year in my transgendered life, since we are down to the last 4 days (counting today) of 2011. I decided to channel my inner film buff and separate the year into the good, the bad, and the ugly. As I believe in saving the best for last, I will cover these in reverse.

The Ugly: The hot Texas summer put the nix on any dressing for five months this year. Unfortunately I am a bit overweight so the heat causes me to sweat profusely. Even with waterproof makeup, I end up looking like Tammy Faye Baker after 15 minutes outside.

The Bad: When you read the next post, you will see that I have been out more this year (in the 7 months I could go out) than in any previous year. Unfortunately, more time out means more time read. Lowlights in reading were the Kroger in Allen after my trip to the casino when the older lady stared at me for an eternity, and my shopping trip when my voice wasn't working and I was read on two separate occasions-once by the teen in WalMart and once by the cashier at Goodwill (I think she read me--voice fail). Also, I have had terrible confidence issues this year. My "Just Do It" (thank you Nike) attitude was on several occasions "Are you really sure you want to do it?"

The Good: There have been tons of good things that have happened to me this year. As I mentioned above, I have been out as Janet more this year than any previous year. I had several firsts this year. Included in these are my first time going to a casino, first time going grocery shopping, and first time checking out at a store with a live cashier. Instead of quick trips inside of stores, I actually took my time and enjoyed myself. I changed my reasoning a bit and decided that I would only go to places if I had a reason to be there. That does not mean that window shopping is eliminated, because in my book window shopping is a reason. I did plenty of that this year. I also told a good, longtime friend about my dressing this year and she did not go off the deep end. She is actually coming out to my house this Saturday to celebrate New Years with me and my family. For the first time, I actually cared enough about my looks to go on a diet strictly for Janet. So far I have lost 13 pounds in 5 months, and I hope to lose 37 more as soon as I can. My goal is to fit in the size 16 dresses that I have at storage by next winter.

For my next blog (hopefully tomorrow!!), I will discuss my plans for 2012!
TTFN,
Janet   

One week later...

Hello all. I cannot believe that my last post was one week ago. How time flies! I usually try to post more frequently but sometimes things come up. Let's see, where were we last post? Oh, I was planning on a Christmas shopping experience.

Well, it happened last Thursday. This is the outfit I decided to wear:

I was so comfortable all day long!  I started out at about 8 AM after the wife left for work. I dressed at the house and left from there. I had such a great time! First stop was to Kroger to pick up some of the non-perishables I will need for my Tulsa trip. I spent about 45 minutes in the store shopping, looking around, and making sure that I got everything I needed. I used the self checkout with no issues while surrounded by people. I walked out and proceeded to my next stop.

For my next stop I decided to go to Goodwill to see if I could find any clothes that caught my eye. I found two dresses that I ended up buying (total $15) and one that I hope is there when I go back.
Here is one of the dresses I bought:

The Goodwill mirror was filthy! The smudges you see are on the mirror, not the dress.
Here is a picture of the top part of the dress:

I love this dress! I especially love the coloring in the blouse part. I will be able to wear this dress with so many different colors of shoes. It will definitely be going with me to Tulsa and is already packed.

One of the things I have to work on is my confidence in wearing low cut blouses. I am partially shaved on my chest, so chest hair is not an issue. What is an issue is my breast forms. One of these days I will get real breast forms, but for now I use birdseed in pantyhose. It gives the proper shape and weight, but is obvious when you look down my blouse. Luckily this one is not too terribly low cut.

I sure hope this next dress is still at Goodwill when I go back, because I really liked it but didn't have the extra money:

I really like the length of the dress, how it fits, and the black button on the collar. I really think this dress would look good with a black blazer for an office look.

Well, I grabbed the two dresses I did purchase and went to the checkout stand. The young Latina in the checkout was not terribly friendly, but I did not think it was me. I watched her check out a few people before me, and she was that way with everyone. She addressed me as ma'am, so I guess I was doing OK! I paid for my dresses and left the store.

One of the other things I have been working on is my voice. I highly recommend the Developing a Female Voice CD by Melanie Anne Phillips. http://transgender.stores.yahoo.net/devfemvoic1.html
What I find tremendous about Melanie's CD is that she shows you how to develop a female voice that can be switched on and off at will. The programs I have seen on You Tube show a lot of ways to develop a permanent voice, but not an at will one. Anyways, I was leary about using my developing voice, so I whispered please and thank you to the clerk at Goodwill. Not a good idea if you are trying to blend in. In between stops, I decided to practice my voice and record it in my phone. I was amazed at the woman speaking to me when I replayed it! The DAFV CD works! Well spent $19.95!

The next stop was WalMart. The WalMart store I went to was near some offices, so I knew I would not stick out. As I walked in, I was greeted with a friendly "Good Afternoon, Ma'am" with no hesitation or second glances. I responded confidently and went to look around. I still had plenty of shopping to do for my wife, so I spent the majority of time in the women's section. I only got one set of looks, and it was from a teenage girl that was walking by. The rest of the time it was glances and moving on. What a liberating experience! I used the self checkout and left with my purchases. As I was leaving, the lady at the door gave me a "Thank you, ma'am." I love it!! I am ready for Tulsa!

I have to tell you about one of my purchases. While I was in the lingerie section, I happened upon the George brand hosiery section. In the back of the hosiery section was something I have never worn but might try with some of the dresses I wear in Tulsa--a lace garter belt with stockings! I can't wait to try it out! Janet's going sexy! LOL--yeah, right! It takes looks to go sexy!

Well, I am so sorry for neglecting my blog.
Talk to everyone soon!
Janet